15 weeks already!

This morning I went to the doctor for a 15 week checkup. Dr. M checked my belly for the baby's heartbeat. Till I heard it I held my breath, and then I simply carried on with my questions about the varicose veins which are taking over my right leg. (Without being too vain (HA!) about that whole ordeal, it is a very sad tale. So young yet so lumpy...) It wasn't till I was in the car later that I really thought about that little heartbeat (which was 150).

I could hear both the baby's heart and mine; they were completely intertwined like beats in a song. The slow whooshing of my heart was the backdrop for the baby's clear pitter pattering. I can't quite think of how to explain what that's like...

Anahi, the babysitter, is gone for the next few weeks, so my art might have to go on hold for awhile. Off to fold more laundry and watch last night's Project Runway.

Last night it happened.

The dreaded... poo poo in the bath. I'll spare you all the details, but suffice it to say that it was just that. poo poo during Anabelle's bathtime. I mean, I always thought that would be the grossest thing ever, and I would just want to barf all over if that ever really happened to me. Well. Pat nor I really batted much of an eye. We didn't even talk about it later after I put Anabelle to bed. He just hoisted her off to tub numero duo, and I got out the clorox. We have already weathered several storms, and we know there are more to come.

Such is life, I have started to think. You often don't feel the way you think you are going to feel about something when it actually happens. I read an article in The New Yorker magazine called "Everybody Have Fun" by Elizabeth Kolbert. I can't stop thinking about it. It explains some happiness research that has been done in the past 50 or so years. how people tend to mispredict how much happiness or displeasure future events will bring. like winning the lottery for instance. how we put so much hope into things like higher incomes, bigger homes, more things, even having more children and how in reality we end up feeling disappointment - or a lack of increased satisfaction at the least. Author Derek Bok says "People do not always know what will give them lasting satisfaction."

The article's point gets more political (how policymakers can learn from these happiness findings), but just those ideas above alone are the most interesting to me. What I get from it is this: live in the present. Some day we will move back to Chicago, and I will have a whole new slew of things to complain about. the piercing cold winters, long commutes with terrible traffic... Maybe my dream of moving back will not make all the pieces of life suddenly fall into place.

But can't a gal dream? Without my dreams of summer thunder storms, chilly fall nights, Sunday dinners with family, walks to coffee and parks with friends, I would feel very sad. I don't want to let go of that dream because without it nowhere is just right for us.

Anabelle Violet

Here is the piece I was half-heartedly working on Tuesday. No direction, no purpose... Borders was freezing cold and the weather outside was too beautiful to be ignored. So I gave up. The day felt like a waste, so I had to remind myself over and over that just showing up is worth it.

Today I moved back to my old digs - the library. I got there early enough to get my own table by the window, and I felt renewed and inspired. (Last night I made corned beef and cabbage for the first time in honor of St. Patrick's Day, and I think I was still riding off the high that "I did it!" Why, when it's one of your most basic recipes, I'm not sure. But it was my mother in law's recipe, and Pat - who has been begging me for years to make it in celebration of the day - thought it was good good good and thanked me about 20 times, bless his heart. And that, friendly peeps, felt like a victory.) So I felt courageous enough to tackle the scariest of art subjects: my very own daughter. I conquered! I'm so proud.

Although I can't shake the ol' routine of throwing up in the mornings before I can get my anti-nausea medication down, my taste for lattes is slowly returning. The smell of coffee doesn't send me running for the porcelain goddess anymore!

AND! even better news is: the return of my sparkle. I can feel it in my bones.

Whew.

An overview of yesterday

Here was some vigorous eating:

Unfortunately, that alllll came up last night - plus some - while I was at book club. My first attempt at joining the group was a failed one when I got the frantic call from Pat. Every time he started cleaning up one pile... well, another one... appeared. Over and over and over. Poor thing. I'll rephrase that: poor things (to include Paddy. Don't tell him I just called him that on international ground.) Today, however, she is magically better. Mean little bug or something she ate, we'll never know.

In other news...

this empty kitchen corner is something I'd like to write home about. I just cleaned up and put away all of Anabelle's bottles. She just turned exactly 18 months, and I've slowly made the decision that she shouldn't be drinking milk from a bottle anymore. Unfortunately that means she isn't drinking milk at all because she arches her back and turns her nose up at a sippy cup full. Two words: extra cheese. And extra books and snuggles at nighttime to calm her down.

And on the art front:

Here is what seems to be a little black cloud. After my 12 week ultrasound (which went very well - saw baby flip and move around and saw that lovely string of pearls that is the spine among other things) I sat at Borders for a long while twiddling my thumbs until this came out. I actually like it. It looks both soft and scratchy. I have a potential new commission that I am crossing my fingers for. I have come to love that direction! Let me know if any of you dear readers are interested in a piece. I love getting comments even if you aren't interested. In fact, I'll take this time to thank each and every one of you who takes the time to visit Flowergirl.

My own dark cloud might be lifting a little. I have a burst of energy today that I haven't felt in awhile. I'm doing laundry, straightening up, making the bed, sorting mail, making grocery lists... let's hope for a long nap today! Back to it before I succumb to a cozy nap.

A work in progress

I've had the image of this girl in my head for a while now. or something like her anyway... (She was spurred on by my desire to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Which, by the way, I'm drooling even thinking about it. Give me two free hours please, and I am so there with my 3D goggles on.)

Funny how much looser my hand is in this painting; it's like at the end of a 2 hour seminar when your handwritten notes have gone from neat and tight to large and scribbley.

Anabelle is napping which tacks on an extra two hours to my Tues/Thurs crafternoons. I need the break big time too. She is honest to goodness wearing me out. The temper tantrum she threw on Friday at Babies R Us was... I'm having trouble finding the words. Oh, the temper! The flailing, screaming, red-faced fiery cracker bouncing off aisles and floor, slapping any hard surface that came within her short arm's reach... The girl is Spicy!! The patience one must have during times like these is unimaginable. I think maybe earplugs is more realistically obtainable.

This and that

I may still have a bunch of this....

(although 99% less since this

and this)

....but I also have this

oh. and this - which really makes me giggle.