Henna

Hi again. I'm back to show you the latest! This is it:

I was thinking this afternoon about my high school art teacher telling us, a class of 16 year olds, that we should stay away from having a style so early on in life. Don't pigeon hole ourselves, try new things, new techniques, new mediums. Well, now I'm 31 years old, and I find myself thinking "I can't help what comes out." I do what feels right.

Alex von Jawlensky (whoever that is) was quoted in a magazine years ago; I tore out the quote and it's crumpled in my drawer here: "The artist expresses only what he has within himself, not what he sees with his eyes." Part of me wants to respond "well, duh." and the other part thinks about it more thoughtfully - "well isn't that true. isn't that where an artist's style really comes from." What I mean to say is that when I sit down to draw an orchid, I don't think "how can I make this look like I did it?" What I paint and draw just ends up looking that way because that's the way I do it.

Now. That said. How do you keep out of an art rut? I mean, am I drawing sun rays because that's what's inside me or am I just out of fresh ideas?

Those are my thoughts. I like these thoughts. They are all part of the journey. And I'd like to thank you, Karen, so much for letting me do this piece for you. It was an honor! :)

Here's the reason why.

So here's the big news:

I am pregnant! (that's my 7 week ultrasound from a month ago.) I have been sick, grumpy and moody for that wonderful reason! I went to the doctor again yesterday and heard the heartbeat which made me a happy happy camper. I always feel a great sense of relief when I check in and make sure all is well. My official due date is September 17 - seven days after Anabelle's second birthday.

This pregnancy I feel a bit more at ease about everything. Now I understand what the end product is and just how worth it this hormonal rollercoaster really is. I hear some people get the "happy hormone" when pregnant, but I just feel slow and tired like I'm existing in a muffling bubble. I hope the end of the trimester will bring the end of that feeling. I miss waking up excited to greet the day.

I am at Border's cafe again - working like a nut. I received a jury summons for today, but when I called to check in last night the recorded voice told me that my badge number is going to be reassigned a day to be summoned. So all that shuffling of babysitters and schedules was for naught. In any case, here I am. I'm working on a new commission for my friend Karen. It's 10"x10" which feels very small to me. Both manageable and odd at the same time. I'm used to having rambling spaces to fill at leisure. Having less of that makes each detail seem more important. I don't have the space to waste. I have found, especially working on this piece, how much I really enjoy doing commissions for people. I worry, worry, worry the whole time if they're going to like it which is a feeling I've come to sort of get a kick out of. I worry if I captured Karen's dog just right, if she'll think it's all worth the money. I find it very challenging, and it keeps me on my toes. With each new subject new thoughts, conscious and subconscious, surface. I think hard about each shape, each face, each color I put on the paper, how it all fits together like a puzzle, like a tapestry. I think about dreams I've had - even years ago - that I haven't thought of since I dreamed them. Often I find when I'm doing commissions I'm struggling to piece it all together, thinking too hard. But today time fell away and I got lost in the two and a half hours I worked. Those are the times I wait for... when I lose myself in my work. But it isn't every time, and I know it can't be. So when it does happen, boy do I cherish it.

Back to work!

Today. is a new day.

And because it's a new day, I have a brand new attitude. sort of.

Anabelle and I went to music class together, and then (now here's the really good part)... I went to spin class with my friend Tonya!!! It has been a few years since I last ventured into spin. I was sweaty and tired, but I held it together really well. It felt good to get the ol' heart pumping. And Anabelle - though she screamed when I dropped her off at the child care - did really well for the hour I was away. When I came to get her she was sitting in a little girl's lap who clearly adored her.

I am going to eat a jello pudding cup now. G'bye.

Wait! How could I forget? Here's the link to KNPR's online auction. Someone already bid on my crab piece! Dad, was that you?

The monotony of life right now

I am sitting at Borders cafe and forcing myself to write a little something before I get to work today. I've noticed that I have been avoiding posting day after day. I think it's probably because I feel a little like I'm trudging through the days, and that is not something I am super excited about sharing. Although the days are turning slowly into warm and precious little spring gems here, I have been feeling sort of glum.

Anabelle has been sick with a terrible cold, cough and ear infection so her mood is very much NOT magnetic as everything leads to a tantrum. Because I haven't wanted to get anyone else sick we have been on a "lock down" of sorts, so each day has felt sort of lonely. But yesterday afternoon we spent outside at the park which lifted both of our spirits. What's better than a good dose of sunshine? And this morning Anabelle woke up with brighter eyes and smiles.

There are just mornings when I feel like "didn't I just do all this yesterday?" This morning was one of those.

Back at it.

Finito! This here is my piece entitled "Under the Weather" for KNPR's online auction. My friend Navjit put in a good word to her friend who works at the radio station about me, and so she contacted me about donating a piece of artwork. I am so excited. It feels very official. Millions of people will be able to see my artwork (Feb 18-26), and the money will be going to NPR. It's high time I give them something. I listen all the time.

It feels good to be productive! This is proof that I need to push myself to draw draw draw whether I am in the mood or not. That day that Lorraine helped me brainstorm with her keywords (i.e. strawberry crab) turned out to be very inspirational. (see image subject above if you will.)

Ugh.

Sorry for falling off the face of the planet, kiddos.

I've been feeling under the weather (which in turn leads to a state of sourpatchiness, as my friend Laura refers to it.) More on this later.

I have been doing an itsy bitsy bit of artwork as of late. More on this later also.

Anabelle got a new pair of shoes today and she can say "puppies." What a gal.

I hate being away for so long!