Henna

Hi again. I'm back to show you the latest! This is it:

I was thinking this afternoon about my high school art teacher telling us, a class of 16 year olds, that we should stay away from having a style so early on in life. Don't pigeon hole ourselves, try new things, new techniques, new mediums. Well, now I'm 31 years old, and I find myself thinking "I can't help what comes out." I do what feels right.

Alex von Jawlensky (whoever that is) was quoted in a magazine years ago; I tore out the quote and it's crumpled in my drawer here: "The artist expresses only what he has within himself, not what he sees with his eyes." Part of me wants to respond "well, duh." and the other part thinks about it more thoughtfully - "well isn't that true. isn't that where an artist's style really comes from." What I mean to say is that when I sit down to draw an orchid, I don't think "how can I make this look like I did it?" What I paint and draw just ends up looking that way because that's the way I do it.

Now. That said. How do you keep out of an art rut? I mean, am I drawing sun rays because that's what's inside me or am I just out of fresh ideas?

Those are my thoughts. I like these thoughts. They are all part of the journey. And I'd like to thank you, Karen, so much for letting me do this piece for you. It was an honor! :)

Here's the reason why.

So here's the big news:

I am pregnant! (that's my 7 week ultrasound from a month ago.) I have been sick, grumpy and moody for that wonderful reason! I went to the doctor again yesterday and heard the heartbeat which made me a happy happy camper. I always feel a great sense of relief when I check in and make sure all is well. My official due date is September 17 - seven days after Anabelle's second birthday.

This pregnancy I feel a bit more at ease about everything. Now I understand what the end product is and just how worth it this hormonal rollercoaster really is. I hear some people get the "happy hormone" when pregnant, but I just feel slow and tired like I'm existing in a muffling bubble. I hope the end of the trimester will bring the end of that feeling. I miss waking up excited to greet the day.

I am at Border's cafe again - working like a nut. I received a jury summons for today, but when I called to check in last night the recorded voice told me that my badge number is going to be reassigned a day to be summoned. So all that shuffling of babysitters and schedules was for naught. In any case, here I am. I'm working on a new commission for my friend Karen. It's 10"x10" which feels very small to me. Both manageable and odd at the same time. I'm used to having rambling spaces to fill at leisure. Having less of that makes each detail seem more important. I don't have the space to waste. I have found, especially working on this piece, how much I really enjoy doing commissions for people. I worry, worry, worry the whole time if they're going to like it which is a feeling I've come to sort of get a kick out of. I worry if I captured Karen's dog just right, if she'll think it's all worth the money. I find it very challenging, and it keeps me on my toes. With each new subject new thoughts, conscious and subconscious, surface. I think hard about each shape, each face, each color I put on the paper, how it all fits together like a puzzle, like a tapestry. I think about dreams I've had - even years ago - that I haven't thought of since I dreamed them. Often I find when I'm doing commissions I'm struggling to piece it all together, thinking too hard. But today time fell away and I got lost in the two and a half hours I worked. Those are the times I wait for... when I lose myself in my work. But it isn't every time, and I know it can't be. So when it does happen, boy do I cherish it.

Back to work!

Back at it.

Finito! This here is my piece entitled "Under the Weather" for KNPR's online auction. My friend Navjit put in a good word to her friend who works at the radio station about me, and so she contacted me about donating a piece of artwork. I am so excited. It feels very official. Millions of people will be able to see my artwork (Feb 18-26), and the money will be going to NPR. It's high time I give them something. I listen all the time.

It feels good to be productive! This is proof that I need to push myself to draw draw draw whether I am in the mood or not. That day that Lorraine helped me brainstorm with her keywords (i.e. strawberry crab) turned out to be very inspirational. (see image subject above if you will.)

The Great Unveiling!

I am finished! (I'd say this was a total of....mmmm, 23 hours.) Then again, my critic Patrick, hasn't seen the finished product, so there might be a few last finishing touches added if he says some are needed.

A word about it: I came to think of the yellow as a halo around Cassidy's head. I have an unvocalized love for owls, and they show up from time to time in my drawings. Like in the painting I did for Anabelle before she was born. I thought of them as her protectors, watching over her at night while she slept. Wise and still. But I think my favorite part is Gus, the pup.

I feel overall pretty happy to have it done. I'm ready to do something new - start afresh. I'm craving a clean piece of paper and delicate lines. a few blank spaces. I have a thing called horror vacui that I need to work through apparently. It's fear of blank spaces. Which I find really amusing since I hate clutter and I can't stand Stuff.

Ok. I'm clicking "publish post" now. Yikes, scary.

Today went a little like this:

I had a really really fulfilling crafternoon today. These days I am going to Border's cafe where I can soak in the quirky, funny and interesting vibes of others sitting around me. Today there were 2 tables of high schoolers (probably seniors) studying for exams. What a breath of fresh air they were. Las Vegas nerds do exist!! They were darling - and void of any dark eyeliner or skin tight jeans. In any case, though I love the library, sitting in a silent, sort of air-tight room by myself wasn't inspiring me anymore.

Here's another tidbit of the piece I'm working on for my friend Tonya:

Some inspiration

here's a picture I find especially wonderful. i love the line quality and the pattern...

it inspired me to get out my pencil and sketch a little bit:

anabelle is finally on the mend after a bout with croup. we all slept a ridiculous amount last night - pat and i for almost 12 hours and anabelle for over 13. she is in a good mood and not as clingy and whiney as she has been the past week. "mama, mama mama mamamamamamamammama...."

we are getting ready for a jaunt to the park now. tootles!

Will she like it?

This, dear readers, is my very first finished commissioned piece:

I'm still very much getting used to the idea of creating a piece of art work for someone. The stress level is much higher than just doodling merrily on my way. I am constantly thinking "I hope this person thinks this is worth the money she is forking over for it." And that has resulted in a few hours spent in frustration - running after the painting so to speak - not making marks toward any final outcome, rather making marks only to salvage the mess already made. In fashion terms, it's sort of like being worn by the dress, as opposed to wearing the dress. But somehow it seemed to pull together at the end, and voila. Here is Maria's bowl of fruit. It took me about 5 hours total which is waaay good for me in terms of time. It was a wonderful exercise in "speed" - helped me break out of Tiny Detail's headlock.

And these here are a little glimpse of Heaven my mom found in a store called Caracol in Playa del Carmen on Fifth Avenue:

I am going to frame these, hang them on my wall and love every second of them.

Only a peek!

or two.

or three.

The Roosters are Finished!

And here they are:

My art afternoon on Friday was the best its ever been. I signed up at the library for my own private study room, and I got so involved in my work that time just fell away. That hasn't happened for... years?

On Saturday morning Anabelle and I picked my mom and Don up from the airport for their four day stay. And wouldn't you know it - that very day she took 8 steps on her own! Yup, stop the presses... She walks. (but still prefers crawling or walking with our help. So in other words I'm still praying to the Walking Gods.)

And then - of course - who can resist this guy?

Finally! A good nap!

So I actually had time to work on this:

Happy Monday

Life is in full swing here at the Brown residence. The weather in Vegas is LOVELY. Growing up in Chicago we always had to wear coats over our Halloween costumes, but not here in the desert. This is Vegas at its best!!

Anabelle is at such a fun age; she is interacting and laughing lots, she's saying "doe-doe" (dog) and "ba-ba" (baby), and she is THIS close to walking on her own. While I was in Spain she started standing without help, and now she is holding onto my fingers and walking like a champ. A wiggley, jello-y champ, but a champ nonetheless.

On Halloween Lorraine and Karl came over to carve pumpkins, and Anabelle dressed up in her peacock costume. Pat's pumpkin is a tribute to Buzz (look closely at the top pumpkin; see the piggy nose?) who has an awful eye infection and has to wear a lampshade around his big head.

Now. As for my art. Well, I am working on it in various ways... I have found a babysitter for Friday afternoons who is wonderful. She is coming this Friday and I am really really anxious to get back into the swing of things.

In the meantime, i made this hand puppet over the coarse of two days during Anabelle's naps:

Here she is testing it out:

And these two little doodles from my sketchbook I did when I was in Spain:

I used my new watercolors on the geraniums which is very exciting. I got a travel compact to make it easy to tote to and from the library on Friday afternoons, and I don't have a clue how to use watercolors but I'm going to learn.

I have to sign off now. There's laundry to fold, the dishwasher to unload, the floor to vacuum (we had friends over for dinner last night and two toddlers really know how to drop some serious cracker crumbs) -- all before my employer awakens from her slumber. Oh my, it is a never ending cycle... Didn't I JUST do this all yesterday?

Tootles!

Ta Da!!

Secret felt project UNVEILED:

I leave for Spain on Friday morning to meet my brand new nephew Gael, and this felt garland is what I am bringing for him. Something bright and whimsical to look at! They remind me of dozens of soft fortune cookies. I'd love to make more more more - monochromatic with colored thread or just two colors or some more with all the colors. Can you imagine a fabulously massive garland around a window or on a mantle - all white with white thread. It'd look like a feather boa.

I am frantically trying to get everyone organized before I go.

New car tire, check.

Anabelle flu shot and passport for Mexico in December, check.

Buzz eye appointment, check.

Grocery shopping, blow up mattress, Buzz eye drops, fold laundry, pack. Still gotta do those.

Then on Friday the three of us - ME MYSELF AND I - are going to get on the plane together and do things like:

sit down for more than 5 minutes.

sleep.

read.

stare out the window.

go to the bathroom. alone.

draw.

I am going to miss my little family, but they will be in very good hands. Pat's sister and mom are coming out for the week.

So friends, I'll be sure to take lots of photos, and we'll catch up when I get home!

Here's how we spent our anniversary

I thought I'd share the cards we made each other for our anniversary. Here's the one I made for Pat:

And this is the one Pat made for me:

I think Pat really put some thought into his. He was sitting next to me hard at work for almost an hour. That is us riding our bikes together through the ups and downs of life and marriage. There's the skyline of the strip, the cacti of the desert, Anabelle sitting on the moon (check it out -- I think she's naked, but she is definitely wearing her red shoes), and of course Buzz-guy. He's the turd shape there on the moon. sorry to be so crass.

Anabelle is saying "this" and "uh-oh" on a regular basis. And she gets off the bed and goes down the stairs feet first now! She is so yummy.

Deep Thoughts of the Day

I am forging ahead with this one in all its strange messiness (click to enlarge):

And I also started this one:

I have such a heavy hand with colored pencil. I get such satisfaction from laying down that rich, saturated color that *poof* all chances of softly blending colors are gone. Maybe I should try watercolor. It would be easier to transport a small box of watercolors than a big bag of my acrylic tubes to the library if I really do want to paint.

I suppose what I am doing with my art is this: telling tidbits of my life. Weaving small stories, small moments together. I've struggled for a long time as an artist wondering if what I have to say is big enough, important enough. Maybe it's not about trying to shout really loudly. or saying something brand new and completely different. Maybe it's just about... going to the library every Wednesday and Friday. Maybe it IS about just showing up and doing what feels right.

So what I really want to know is this: if I enjoy the journey (and I do, I really really do), does that mean I'll have a successful show at the end of it?

There. Do you see my dilemma?

I'd like to focus on the journey, but I can't help wanting to know if the end result will be a good one. Will people like my art enough to actually buy it? And if I'm so hung up on that question... who am I making art for??????

Crafternoon Numero Duo - A Room of Her Own

I found a spot at the library yesterday in the Quiet Room. Where I can sharpen my pencils with my electric sharpener loudly! And spread out over the whole table. Then someone joined me in the Quiet Room, and my pencil sharpening was foiled. Here's what I worked on:

This is what I consider a problem area, but I'm showing it to you anyway. It's messy, and it's got no focus. But it's got its own little story... All those "B's" were inspired by my friend. She told me that when her dad was dying of cancer he lost the ability to speak, and he would write the same letter over and over in gradation from big to small. Things like this stick in my head you see.

The other morning when Pat brought Anabelle into our bed for our morning snuggle, her skin was so creamy and her cheeks were flushed so pink that they reminded me of strawberries:

In other news, Anabelle is back to her bad napping ways and only slept for 30 minutes total yesterday. (That makes having Maria even more valuable because it means I get a break no matter what.) We are trying to teach her "feet first" when getting off the bed or sofa - it seems to be a slow process. I'd also like to teach her how to Put Things Back so that there are no more meltdowns in music class when we have to give back the instruments.

Gotta run. Have a great weekend!

I did this and this and this with my Crafternoon

Yesterday at the library I turned the above into the below. It's a secret felt project that I'm working on for a certain niece or nephew coming any day now! And the best part is that this felt is made of 100% recycled pop cans. or bottles. I can't remember which.

And then those piles showed up here:

Here's another detail of the same drawing (which is NOT done):

Sort of strange. I have picked up this odd habit of working large (24" x 36"), starting in one corner, working small and going where the wind takes me - so to speak. So this is sort of a stream of consciousness piece. I find such satisfaction in not planning any composition. It's so luxurious in fact that I feel like I'm cheating. I do look at the whole puzzle often to see how it flows together, but without a plan... does it look like One Hot Mess? That is not a rhetorical question, so for those of you who'd like to leave a comment, please do.

Yesterday afternoon was my first Crafternoon, and overall I'd say it was nice. I was nervous because I definitely had to fight off feelings of "wow, I really should be using this time to go grocery shopping" and "eight hours a week? maybe I bit off more than I can chew" and "is my art even worth eight hours worth of babysitter money or am I being a spoiled housewife?" ew, that last one is really ugly when I say it out loud like that. But I'm stickin' with it kiddos, and I'll be eight hours closer to my dream of having a show and maybe an etsy store -- and even taking commissions. (Anybody, anybody?)

Have a lovely day!

Birthday Tutu

Hi Everybody! (I sort of have to wonder... is anybody really there?)

Today I made a tutu for Anabelle to wear on her 1st birthday which is rapidly approaching. It was a fun project, and while I worked on it Anabelle played quietly on the floor nearby. This never happens, so that is certainly something to write home about. Her naps seem to be a lost cause which leaves me with little time to do my art. BUT. She is sleeping like a champ at night -- down at 7pm (no later because she's so tired) and up sometime between 5:45am and 6:30am. What is this refusal to nap????? Anyway here is her tutu:

Aaaaand I wasn't going to post a picture of her in it till her birthday, but how can I resist?

I have so many ideas for projects and drawings to do, but I just don't have enough time. If I was lucky enough to be an insomniac like my friend Doreen, maybe I could really crank it out. Joking. I cherish my sleep. Such projects include:

another mobile

finger puppets

sachets

more greeting cards/drawings like this one:

Ok. I have to go cook up the flank steak I have marinating in the fridge. Pat just got home from work, and I should quit eating chocolate chips now. ;)

Pat and His Too-Tall Hat

Here it is so far!! Don tells me that Pat looks like a cone head because his hat is waaay too tall. I'd have to agree, so there will be a bit of tweaking, but I'm at a good stopping place for now. This evening Pat and I are headed to Moab, Utah to meet up with our friends Anna and Doreen. We are going on a white water rafting day trip on the Colorado River tomorrow! How's that for adventure?

Mom and Don are staying with Anabelle till we get back on Wednesday. Three cheers for fun grandparents!

A big huge thanks to Lara who is a seriously impressive artist (check out her portraits - wow!) and who answered my call for help with this drawing. She gave me some really great ideas. I think it is about the coolest thing in the world that I can connect with other artists who are across the country. My goal is to have a big artist community someday.

I used gesso to cover up some of the areas that I overworked. This adds a bit of a painterly feel which is a nice contrast to the pen lines, and it also adds a bit of depth. You can still make out some of the lines behind the paint. I'm really pleased so far...

Have a good week!

An oldie

This is a painting I did last year for Pat's dad.