Henna

Hi again. I'm back to show you the latest! This is it:

I was thinking this afternoon about my high school art teacher telling us, a class of 16 year olds, that we should stay away from having a style so early on in life. Don't pigeon hole ourselves, try new things, new techniques, new mediums. Well, now I'm 31 years old, and I find myself thinking "I can't help what comes out." I do what feels right.

Alex von Jawlensky (whoever that is) was quoted in a magazine years ago; I tore out the quote and it's crumpled in my drawer here: "The artist expresses only what he has within himself, not what he sees with his eyes." Part of me wants to respond "well, duh." and the other part thinks about it more thoughtfully - "well isn't that true. isn't that where an artist's style really comes from." What I mean to say is that when I sit down to draw an orchid, I don't think "how can I make this look like I did it?" What I paint and draw just ends up looking that way because that's the way I do it.

Now. That said. How do you keep out of an art rut? I mean, am I drawing sun rays because that's what's inside me or am I just out of fresh ideas?

Those are my thoughts. I like these thoughts. They are all part of the journey. And I'd like to thank you, Karen, so much for letting me do this piece for you. It was an honor! :)

Here's the reason why.

So here's the big news:

I am pregnant! (that's my 7 week ultrasound from a month ago.) I have been sick, grumpy and moody for that wonderful reason! I went to the doctor again yesterday and heard the heartbeat which made me a happy happy camper. I always feel a great sense of relief when I check in and make sure all is well. My official due date is September 17 - seven days after Anabelle's second birthday.

This pregnancy I feel a bit more at ease about everything. Now I understand what the end product is and just how worth it this hormonal rollercoaster really is. I hear some people get the "happy hormone" when pregnant, but I just feel slow and tired like I'm existing in a muffling bubble. I hope the end of the trimester will bring the end of that feeling. I miss waking up excited to greet the day.

I am at Border's cafe again - working like a nut. I received a jury summons for today, but when I called to check in last night the recorded voice told me that my badge number is going to be reassigned a day to be summoned. So all that shuffling of babysitters and schedules was for naught. In any case, here I am. I'm working on a new commission for my friend Karen. It's 10"x10" which feels very small to me. Both manageable and odd at the same time. I'm used to having rambling spaces to fill at leisure. Having less of that makes each detail seem more important. I don't have the space to waste. I have found, especially working on this piece, how much I really enjoy doing commissions for people. I worry, worry, worry the whole time if they're going to like it which is a feeling I've come to sort of get a kick out of. I worry if I captured Karen's dog just right, if she'll think it's all worth the money. I find it very challenging, and it keeps me on my toes. With each new subject new thoughts, conscious and subconscious, surface. I think hard about each shape, each face, each color I put on the paper, how it all fits together like a puzzle, like a tapestry. I think about dreams I've had - even years ago - that I haven't thought of since I dreamed them. Often I find when I'm doing commissions I'm struggling to piece it all together, thinking too hard. But today time fell away and I got lost in the two and a half hours I worked. Those are the times I wait for... when I lose myself in my work. But it isn't every time, and I know it can't be. So when it does happen, boy do I cherish it.

Back to work!

Today. is a new day.

And because it's a new day, I have a brand new attitude. sort of.

Anabelle and I went to music class together, and then (now here's the really good part)... I went to spin class with my friend Tonya!!! It has been a few years since I last ventured into spin. I was sweaty and tired, but I held it together really well. It felt good to get the ol' heart pumping. And Anabelle - though she screamed when I dropped her off at the child care - did really well for the hour I was away. When I came to get her she was sitting in a little girl's lap who clearly adored her.

I am going to eat a jello pudding cup now. G'bye.

Wait! How could I forget? Here's the link to KNPR's online auction. Someone already bid on my crab piece! Dad, was that you?

The monotony of life right now

I am sitting at Borders cafe and forcing myself to write a little something before I get to work today. I've noticed that I have been avoiding posting day after day. I think it's probably because I feel a little like I'm trudging through the days, and that is not something I am super excited about sharing. Although the days are turning slowly into warm and precious little spring gems here, I have been feeling sort of glum.

Anabelle has been sick with a terrible cold, cough and ear infection so her mood is very much NOT magnetic as everything leads to a tantrum. Because I haven't wanted to get anyone else sick we have been on a "lock down" of sorts, so each day has felt sort of lonely. But yesterday afternoon we spent outside at the park which lifted both of our spirits. What's better than a good dose of sunshine? And this morning Anabelle woke up with brighter eyes and smiles.

There are just mornings when I feel like "didn't I just do all this yesterday?" This morning was one of those.

Back at it.

Finito! This here is my piece entitled "Under the Weather" for KNPR's online auction. My friend Navjit put in a good word to her friend who works at the radio station about me, and so she contacted me about donating a piece of artwork. I am so excited. It feels very official. Millions of people will be able to see my artwork (Feb 18-26), and the money will be going to NPR. It's high time I give them something. I listen all the time.

It feels good to be productive! This is proof that I need to push myself to draw draw draw whether I am in the mood or not. That day that Lorraine helped me brainstorm with her keywords (i.e. strawberry crab) turned out to be very inspirational. (see image subject above if you will.)

Ugh.

Sorry for falling off the face of the planet, kiddos.

I've been feeling under the weather (which in turn leads to a state of sourpatchiness, as my friend Laura refers to it.) More on this later.

I have been doing an itsy bitsy bit of artwork as of late. More on this later also.

Anabelle got a new pair of shoes today and she can say "puppies." What a gal.

I hate being away for so long!

Crabby is a good word for it.

For how I've been feeling, that is.

Strawberry crab

Well, look at that! There's the fella I mentioned in my post below. He's chubby and very fruity. Thanks for the link, Lorraine!

Rain, rain

To give you an idea of what I did yesterday, here is a "before pantry" and an "after pantry" shot from yesterday:

Ah, the life of a Domestic Goddess.

*********************************************************

Today rained and sort of snowed again. Can you see it out the window?

**********************************************************

And, while the below is by no means a masterpiece, it is at least something. It took me just about forever to get anything on paper. Lack of inspiration is a real bummer. I wandered around Borders looking for anything to get my mind running -- patterns in magazines, content in books... Lorraine helped by writing down words to get my brain going. Things like: robot, firefly, strawberry crab... (love love love and must google these crabs to find out what they actually look like). The word game must have helped because I jumped up and ran to the gardening section where I chose a book on Japanese gardens. Not sure of the connection between strawberry crabs and rock gardens, but at least my fingers were moving:

Rainy day

Today rained and rained. All day. Anahi, the babysitter came today so I went to Borders to draw. I was feeling uninspired and tired, but I thought perhaps I'd kick it into gear once I got started. Wrong. I drew something stupid. I was feeling organic, delicate and small, but what appeared on the page was heavy and linear and instead of staying muted and quiet OF COURSE a bunch of loud and annoying colors showed up on the page.

Forget it, I said. and went to the back of the store to lounge and read my dumb vampire book Living Dead in Dallas. which I couldn't concentrate on so I went home and snuck into bed to take a nap.

Now that was awesome.

Anabelle took a long nap herself. A few thoughts on her:

*she is so cute I want to hug and kiss her all the time

*she hates baths and stands up the entire time

*she says "Buzz" which sounds like Bzzz

*whenever she hears music, she sways and bops and claps

*she loves popcorn!

*she has figured out that if she runs away laughing, I will run after her yelling "i'm gonna get you." and she loooooves that.

Once we both woke up from our naps and I took some Tylenol for a headache, the day turned very cozy. We listened to music and played and then Navjit and Leo came over for a cup of tea.

And that, friends, is my day in a nutshell.

The Great Unveiling!

I am finished! (I'd say this was a total of....mmmm, 23 hours.) Then again, my critic Patrick, hasn't seen the finished product, so there might be a few last finishing touches added if he says some are needed.

A word about it: I came to think of the yellow as a halo around Cassidy's head. I have an unvocalized love for owls, and they show up from time to time in my drawings. Like in the painting I did for Anabelle before she was born. I thought of them as her protectors, watching over her at night while she slept. Wise and still. But I think my favorite part is Gus, the pup.

I feel overall pretty happy to have it done. I'm ready to do something new - start afresh. I'm craving a clean piece of paper and delicate lines. a few blank spaces. I have a thing called horror vacui that I need to work through apparently. It's fear of blank spaces. Which I find really amusing since I hate clutter and I can't stand Stuff.

Ok. I'm clicking "publish post" now. Yikes, scary.

Today went a little like this:

I had a really really fulfilling crafternoon today. These days I am going to Border's cafe where I can soak in the quirky, funny and interesting vibes of others sitting around me. Today there were 2 tables of high schoolers (probably seniors) studying for exams. What a breath of fresh air they were. Las Vegas nerds do exist!! They were darling - and void of any dark eyeliner or skin tight jeans. In any case, though I love the library, sitting in a silent, sort of air-tight room by myself wasn't inspiring me anymore.

Here's another tidbit of the piece I'm working on for my friend Tonya:

Some inspiration

here's a picture I find especially wonderful. i love the line quality and the pattern...

it inspired me to get out my pencil and sketch a little bit:

anabelle is finally on the mend after a bout with croup. we all slept a ridiculous amount last night - pat and i for almost 12 hours and anabelle for over 13. she is in a good mood and not as clingy and whiney as she has been the past week. "mama, mama mama mamamamamamamammama...."

we are getting ready for a jaunt to the park now. tootles!

I heard this at yoga today. Click on the link and have a listen:

Tuck & Patti - You Take My Breath Away

Will she like it?

This, dear readers, is my very first finished commissioned piece:

I'm still very much getting used to the idea of creating a piece of art work for someone. The stress level is much higher than just doodling merrily on my way. I am constantly thinking "I hope this person thinks this is worth the money she is forking over for it." And that has resulted in a few hours spent in frustration - running after the painting so to speak - not making marks toward any final outcome, rather making marks only to salvage the mess already made. In fashion terms, it's sort of like being worn by the dress, as opposed to wearing the dress. But somehow it seemed to pull together at the end, and voila. Here is Maria's bowl of fruit. It took me about 5 hours total which is waaay good for me in terms of time. It was a wonderful exercise in "speed" - helped me break out of Tiny Detail's headlock.

And these here are a little glimpse of Heaven my mom found in a store called Caracol in Playa del Carmen on Fifth Avenue:

I am going to frame these, hang them on my wall and love every second of them.

A little fact about me....

... is that I own no less than 25 scarves. And today I decided to arrange them in rainbow order (as if I don't have enough to do) while Anabelle rummaged through the clean laundry baskets and found some of my underwear to drape over her head like necklaces.

Happy holidays, happy new year and happy our internet is back up and running

Folks, I'm back. And I sincerely apologize for slipping out the back door and not returning till now.

In the past couple of weeks there was:

a trip to snowy Chicago

and a family trip to sunny Playa del Carmen, Mexico

And it was allllll:

absolutely wonderful.

Zzzzz

I've been feeling on the quiet side lately, but I'm still here.

Just used my babysitting time to do some serious Christmas shopping. I would like never to go shopping again, thank you very much. Spending money to spend money made me feel funny.

I was a very good girl and only bought myself one nail polish (color: black) for a whopping $3.

Only a peek!

or two.

or three.