FLOWER GIRL

It's all quiet for about 2 more seconds

2011-11-19T05:08:00.001-08:00

Every week I get several hours to paint and draw. Make whatever my little heart desires. No kids, pandora radio and a few new-ish tubes of waterproof gouache.

Sounds cliche, but I am beginning to be inspired by the everyday. Maybe just the things we see all the time that we rush past. The things that aren't necessarily considered beautiful. Raising kids forces one to be in the present. There's no time to lolligag in those deep corners of your brain. There are shoes to put on, buckles to be buckled, tantrums to be squelched. Where is the time for imagination? Should I work harder to find it while I play with the kids?

When I lived in Las Vegas, I came back to Chicago for two weeks in March. I rode the el downtown to work for my former employer while he was doing flowers for the Park Hyatt in Dubai. It was cold in the city and so gray. I loved how the pigeons puffed themselves up into balls trying to keep warm at the el stops. I loved seeing the backs of all the apartment buildings, the garbage cans, the wear and tear of the street signs, how curbs crumbled a little, the trash that blew around. I loved how gritty it looked. In contrast to shiny Las Vegas, where history is erased and newer is better.

So below are my two newest paintings. I am working one day a week at the same outfit, and to leave at 6:30 am when it's still dark feels like I am slipping out into the night, escaping, leaving it all behind. Know what? It kinda feels awesome. I can pretend I feel reckless. with purpose.

Today's the day!!

2011-08-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Today is The Big Day! The opening reception for my very first art show.

I gotta say - people are genuinely excited for me. My family, my friends... they all recognize this as a big deal. I'm excited. and nervous. and all of this leads me to wonder - what are people expecting? Are they expecting a quiet gallery, large and white and spacious with classical music quietly wafting around the air? and pieces of artwork to ponder and discuss for an evening. Uh oh.

I'm not worried that no one will show. I know many friends who will be there - including my friends Sarah and Dave who are in town for the occasion. (Holla!!!) I'm more worried that it'll be a big disappointment. Like... we got babysitters for this? This is dumb. (Don't pity me. I'm just saying out loud what everyone thinks when they host a party.) Or that someone will ask me what my art is about, and my brain will turn into mush all over again, Cuttyhunk-style. The What Am I Trying To Say struggle remains. (Wasn't it obvious from my "on meaning" post? It's like I slipped out the back door while everyone was looking.) I have been telling myself for weeks to sit down and write an artist statement. I think to myself "it'll help. I will finally put into words what I have been subconsciously putting on paper. But, alas, I have been avoiding writing such a statement Big Time.

Well, self, what's wrong with just being honest? Admitting that I make art for the sake of making something. creating. meditating. releasing. owning a chunk of time, time all to myself.

Time's up. Jasper is awake.

I Make Art Because, part II

2011-07-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

On Meaning

Between my jobs as a floral designer and moving to Evanston, I lived in Las Vegas and worked as a showgirl. Just kidding.

I started painting again just before I left my job at Epoch floral in Chicago and moved to Las Vegas. It was January 2007 when I carved out my first art studio in our 4200 square foot rental house and made art a daily priority. okay maybe weekly. What was it that unleashed in me then?

The big blue skies. The freedom of a new beginning. The excitement of our future together. No job. No expectations.

I started painting on a 22" by 30" piece of heavy paper with no plan, no formal ideas. I started painting just to see where I could go. Where my brain would take me. Like stream of consciousness. In my mind I was sewing together the squares of a quilt. Putting together colors that were pretty and mimicking shapes and patterns that I noticed on my walks through the desert - the shadows of the cacti, the jagged silhouette of the mountains. When I was finished every square inch of the paper was covered with color like a big tapestry. I named the pieceJourney Through a Quilted Subconscious.

It felt good to let go of all compositional worries and just paint for the sake of painting. I clung to that freedom and did a couple more paintings in this "horror vacui" style. I stood back to study the paintings solely to determine what colors and shapes might work best next to the ones I had just laid down on the paper. I think upon reflection that I was interested solely in creating an environment for the viewer the way a quilt creates an environment for a snuggler. ha! wait. or maybe I was interested solely in painting as a means of self expression. Maybe I tried (in vain) to just enjoy the journey and forget the end result.

My mom took me to see poet Gwendolyn Brooks speak when I was about 12 years old. When it was over my mom said to me, "your art doesn't always have to be pretty. It can really just be an expression of how you feel."

************************************************************************************

Unfortunately, my train of thought ends there because I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. Before I left for vacation. And then I left, went to Cuttyhunk Island, and my brain turned to mush.

Intermission

2011-06-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

My next post "I make art because, part II: On Meaning" has been delayed for just a bit until I can finish it. But here's the thing: without the "meaning," "beauty" just seems shallow and vain. That last post is just not sitting right with me at all. In fact I feel downright weird about it. (Did I really refer to myself as part of a "spectacular" staff. oh Gawd... weird face, rolling eyes. OOPS that came out all wrong. I was an outsider looking in - an innocent bystander watching the staff from the sidelines, a dorky author hiding behind a computer screen.)

Now. Yes, I like to create pretty environments and visually pleasing things. But that's not all!!!!! So bear with me... the meat is coming. "On beauty" can and does not stand on its own...

I Make Art Because, part I

2011-06-22T11:53:00.001-07:00

I had a lot of clarity after my workout at the gym this afternoon. I drove home, turned on Super Nanny and ate a Jello pudding cup and 2 chocolate squares whereupon things got fuzzy again.

But I do want to begin hashing out why it is I feel compelled to make art and what exactly I am trying to say because at some point I'd like to cull all of my thoughts into some sort of artist statement. Do a sweep-up of thoughts from all corners of my brain like a big dust pile. So without further ado.

On Beauty

Let me start with this quote by impressionist painter Renoir from the year 1910:

For me a picture... should be something likeable, joyous, and pretty - yes, pretty. There are enough ugly things in life for us not to add to them.

In 1998, my sophmore year in college, I glued that clipping into the very first page of a journal. Subconsciously I believe it became a mantra of mine. For my final Conceptual Art class project sophomore year at Washington University all my energy went towards simply "creating something beautiful." I had had it up to here with illustrating concepts and... well, congnition. All I wanted was to play with color and line - to see how colors react to each other and to see the way lines can move your eye around a page - or not.

Junior year of college I tumbled into my fashion design major and upon graduating moved back to Chicago where shortly thereafter I stumbled into floral design. What really matters in an arrangement of flowers? Texture, design, color. The way one flower plays part of the whole bouqet. It was around this time that I stopped drawing and painting. I was creating floral arrangements, and that was fulfilling my need for creativity. It was like making living 3D sculptures.

In my early 20's I worked for Marion Perry, owner of A New Leaf in Chicago. She hired lots of young artist, musician types who had no money and were often bull-headed and quirky. And we all dressed very strangely. Marion's flower shops are to this day spectacular, and as one of my co workers at the time pointed out - so was her staff. "It is very clear that Marion likes beautiful things." This struck me - the choice and capability to surround yourself with beauty on a very conscious level. hmmm.

Since we have moved to Evanston and into a house we might be in for, like, ever, I think I have unearthed the interior designer in me. In the 11 months that we have lived here I have painted our downstairs powder room "Twilight Magenta," laid an animal print carpet runner on the stairs and hall and furnished our dining room with lavender Mr. Impossible chairs. God bless, stop me before our house looks like a rainbow threw up in it.

Beige be damned. My name is Kate, I am 33 years old, and I love pretty colors.

In preparation for...

2011-06-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

August 4 - August 16, 2011

Art Exhibition

Frame Warehouse, Evanston, IL

Home 2009

acrylic, pen and marker on paper

Return fall 2010

acrylic, pen and colored pencil on paper

Anabelle Violet Brown fall 2010

pen on paper

Rhino fall 2010

pen and gouache on paper

Ferdinand fall 2010

pen, gouache, colored pencil and cut paper on paper

Paper Quilt spring 2011

paint chips, fabric and thread on paper

On the brink of falling to pieces spring 2011

colored pencil, pen, watercolor and marker on paper

I've been busy...

2010-10-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

As you probably guessed, I'm not pregnant anymore! Welcome Jasper Nye Brown! Born September 21, 2010 at 10:41 am, weighing 8 lbs 14 oz and measuring 21" long. AND I had a most successful VBAC!! Oh the stories I could tell about the past 4 weeks... but. my small friend is stirring now and I am T.I.R.E.D. I'm afraid I'll be taking a small break from blogging until I can get my life a little more sorted - that is, until I can do something other than nap during my quiet moments. Till then, tootles!

Might as well get used to it.

2010-09-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

Because I think I might be pregnant forever.

Due date.

2010-09-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

and it just so happens that I'm still pregnant. The past few days I have felt very energetic though, and the other night I dreamt that I was dancing. And I mean barrel turns and leaps. The whole nine yards. Then I woke up for the second time that night and hobbled to the bathroom, and that was that.

Here are some things I should do while Anabelle is napping now:

*pack my hospital bag.

*fold laundry.

*sip on some castor oil.

**********

Anabelle's second birthday was September 10. Our baby girl is 2!!! I woke up excited for the day, and we spent all day preparing. It certainly wasn't anything elaborate - just homemade "mac a cheese" and burgers with a green bean salad, but (as the saying goes) I am off like a herd of turtles these days... Pat's parents, my mom and Don, Great Grandma Therese and Aunt Kiki came over to celebrate.

We got her this table along with Crayola's box of 96 (!) crayons, and I have since dubbed her the "Color Keeper." If she isn't telling you to sit down and color then she herself is choosing the crayons she wants you to use. And they usually happen to be in the pink and purple families.

*********

Her actual birthday was most glorious - sunshine-y with the slight crispness of fall. But the next day was rainy - just perfect for a jaunt outside in her new rain gear from Nami.

So just think. Hopefully next time I write, I will be able to share good news! I'll be able to tell you "it's a ....!" and his/her "name is...!" One last item to add to my to-do list:

*convince Pat of the girl name I love...

Must get to work.

A few things that make me feel really awesome.

2010-09-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

Being organized and filed - and this desk.

Apricot and orange - color scheme for the baby's nursery.

This face mask.

Clean sheets.

Laundry - in these awesome machines. Upstairs.

by... unknown potter

2010-09-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

i am simply looking for beauty, whatever that is - it's nothing that can be explained, only felt. If i find it in a single bowl, or a wandering line of pots, good. i am grateful.

We have been very busy 'round here.

2010-09-02T17:39:00.001-07:00

One has to start somewhere to get back in the swing of things...

This here is a family collaboration:

And this one is my first attempt with a little bit of gouache and Aquaboard. I can not help it; I am overly drawn to orange and fuchsia. Wednesday morning when I worked on this, I remembered why I like to fill blank space with color and shape; it puts my mind at ease. like meditating, it calms me to look for and find new patterns in life and replicate them in my art. I sort my thoughts this way; I follow them to see where they go. Sometimes I remember bits and pieces of dreams while I paint - old dreams, ones that I must've stored somewhere and haven't remembered for years. I love the challenge of capturing a person or an animal in my paintings also, but there's a different and focused concentration I have when I do that. So... to find a balance between my meandering mind and my focused mind when I work on a painting brings me a lot of satisfaction.

Pat starts his new job on Monday, September 13, so we are really really hitting the town hard and spending as much quality time together as we can before he disappears into the land of proving-himself-and-terrible-commutes-and-company-cars-omg!!!-and-early-mornings-late-nights. (ew.)

So Tuesday we took Anabelle to Lincoln Park Zoo where she ate a popsicle and got mad at Papa for trying to sneak a bite. I also admitted to Pat that the patterns on animals, birds and fish especially truly make me believe in God. Who else could come up with the colors and detail?

Yesterday we went to the Botanic Garden where I sat down every chance I got. We went to the model train garden which Anabelle LOVED. Here she is gasping and pointing to a picture she thinks is of a "choo-choo hain."

And this morning we went downtown for a morning at the Shedd Aquarium. Anabelle's favorite thing was the faux camp site where she could flip plastic pancakes to her heart's content. Till we had to go and she had a mega breakdown.

She fell asleep in the car and wouldn't transfer to her bed, so she was crabby and my eyes are sort of rolling back in my head. Forget making dinner; it's 8:01 and I am ready for bed. I am carrying somewhere between 35 and 40 extra pounds, and my body is OVER IT. What surprises me is that I'm not working off all that extra weight just breathing... and hoisting around another 35 pounder named Anabelle around. The work it takes to climb stairs, holy moly. Though Anabelle's vocabulary and sentence making ability has come far in the past couple of months, "Mommy Up" is still in really good use.

Let's face it. I am super duper excited to be thin again. Ah, to wear anything but slip on shoes! to bend over! to not grunt when Anabelle pushes on my belly! to not wonder if I'll ever be able to get up from the floor when I sit down! to walk faster than 2 mph - and not feel the urge to pee. again!

That's one side of my brain. The other one wonders if maybe I shouldn't hope to be pregnant forever. That lack of sleep thing really looms over me. It's sort of my boogie man under the bed.

I think I forget though. How much I'm going to love this baby.

zzzzzzzzzzz for now.

A few faves

2010-08-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

End of August already?

2010-08-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

Despite all my huffing and puffing (and I really am) around town, all's well. I am sitting at the desk in our bedroom overlooking our across the street neighbor's house. A short little gray house edged with white impatiens. and awaiting a sitter so that I might meet the girls out for "drinks." I'm tired today but only because I ran around doing errands. Grandpa took Abba to the park this morning, and she stayed over there for the afternoon. It's a shame I can't get it together enough to do some artwork during times like those, but I can't help but feel like there's so much else to do. This house still feels big to me, and I know it'll take time to feel really settled. not just the wow, great house, we have all the boxes unpacked kind of settled. Rather... the kind of settled where there are actually pictures on the wall and you own a real dining room table.

I am about 36 weeks along now, and I'm feeling a mixture of dread and excitement. I can't wait to meet this baby and I CAN NOT wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl. (Anabelle says there's a "baby sister" in there every time we ask.) But then there's the no-sleep issue, and that makes me tired just to think about. It seems like perfect timing though... the summer is slowly coming to a close and just as soon as the beaches close and school is back in full swing, we'll have the baby and settle in for fall.

We did a little family photo shoot at the Bahai Temple's gardens on Monday. What an evening. It was absolutely golden, and I know we'll look at the pictures in a few short months and wonder at how green and blue and soft everything looks right now at the end of August. Here's our "Coming soon" sneak peak. We sort of look like a page out of the Sear's catalogue. But in a lovely way of course. And my, that husband of mine is indeed very handsome.

In other news. Abba pooped in the potty for the first and only time the other day. I tried to find a balance between letting her know how exciting that is by jumping up and down and congratulating her and not getting so carried away that I might embaress the rep who was measuring our windows for blinds.

Rocks. and other things

2010-08-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

a housewarming gift from my mom and stepdad... two big felted wool river rocks to lounge on. have you ever heard of anything cooler?

the humidity levels are high, and i can see outside that the trees are being blown by hot, hot air. too hot even for the beach today.

anabelle is napping, and patrick is downtown in meetings again. he is right on the heels of a job, and though we are still struggling to find our routines - bumping and bumbling round the house and the town of evanston - i sure will miss him when he lands a job and hurries off to work every morning.

last night we went to another one of chicago's fabulous summer festivals in lincoln square. the humidity lifted, and we ate brats with sauerkraut, hot pretzels and fresh raspberries from the farmers market. anabelle danced to the live music and was sticky with sweat, sunscreen from our morning at the pool and peach juice.

i suppose i'm getting ready for this baby #2 to come... altho, just like when i was pregnant with anabelle, i am enjoying the last few weeks of life How It Is Right Now. anabelle is communicating and understanding so much more; the tantrums seem less and less - the giggles more. yup, parenting is so hard and tiring. but also so.much.fun.

We might just be blacklisted.

2010-08-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

I am never going back to the Nordstrom's kid's shoe department again. At least not for awhile. At least not until they get a new slew of employees who didn't witness the throw-down that occurred today by a little someone named Anabelle. She's small, but boy... is she mighty.

This morning...

2010-08-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

...I sat on my bed tightening and loosening my sandals to find a better fit for a good 20 minutes, lollygagged around the house a little bit, bit my nails the whole way here and had one or two minor contractions.

TIME TO MYSELF AGAIN??? Time to write, to draw, to paint? Oh, I tried to get out of it -- tried to run downtown to West Elm or CB2 -- to get some things for the new house. But Pat pushed me to "go find some inner peace." Perhaps he really was listening when I said I wanted some time to stare up at the tree tops to ingest and process all of the changes.

I've begun this post a million times in my head over the past several weeks since I've been offline. I've wanted to tell you about all of the small stores we can walk to from our new house (including Anabelle pushing her mini pink stroller), about the sprawling green lawns and the huge trees. how all of the coffee shops have cork boards exploding with community events, how so many people walk and bike by our house, how so many of them are family just dropping in for a quick visit. how my old friends know about the city's summer festivals, the free outdoor concerts for kids, which beach is best for parking.

and most of all... how much more there is than even that.

I spent the first few weeks here in a sleepy fog of humidity and heat. I thought I was anemic. But apparently I was just feeling the affects of being pregnant in the summer. Luckily, unlike when we were growing up, we have central air, and we have an almost-two year old who has been taking monstrously long 3 and 4 hour naps. Anyway, I think I've moved past the haze, and much of my energy is back. 98% of our boxes are unpacked, the walls are painted (glorious colors if I do say so - including our "twilight magenta" powder room), rugs are down, couches are in place. Anabelle is happy. So happy. And talking up a storm. And refusing to wear almost anything but pink. The pitter patter of her bare feet on the hard wood floors makes me nostalgic even today... when years of that little sound still lay ahead.

What a feeling to live in a place that is just right. To be where you know you really belong. It's a gift to have such roots and be so sure about something, isn't it. All at the same time, I am aware that so much of that feeling is in the leaving and coming back. That could be why not one, but two engagements to the same man could be very important (to a gal named Flowergirl anyway.) wink wink.

So now that I am a bit more settled I feel a leeeettle less frantic about everything being organized, every bit of mail sorted, every toy in its place. And Pat feels a leeeettle less frenetic about marks on our freshly painted walls. We're settling in and settling down. Eventually we'll have our schedules set and our routines down. For now, Grandpa and Grammie took Anabelle down to the Nature Museum in the city, and I have proudly carved out some time to stare up at the trees, so to speak.

The day after

2010-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

A little note I wrote to my family this morning...

well here we are. yesterday went by in a strange blur, but we got through. anabelle went to her friend cassidy's house and pat and i took buzz to the vet. all was so peaceful, and when we sat in the room after he was gone, the only thing missing were his soft snores. he just went to sleep, and dr strobeck sat on the floor with us for awhile while we all talked. he asked if we wanted buzz's paw print, and i said yes of course, how wonderful to capture that big muffin paw on paper! so when we finally left, pat and i went for a bite to eat. the house is full of his presence, and my mind feels so confused that he's not here. like i have to keep reminding myself... last night felt esp sad - no buzz to let out and summon upstairs to bed. and this morning too. anabelle slept later than usual, so i did too because no buzz whining to go out.

it's quiet here without buzzy, but we know we did the right thing, and dr strobeck did not hold back in agreeing. his sparkle was gone, and that was hard to see. pat and i feel like we are ready to leave now - ready to start again. sort of the right ending to a really great adventure.

love, kate

I have now lost a few friends in my life, and today I silently declared that I hate death and all that it means. It's a shame, I know, because life is full of it. And they say that if you make peace with death, life has more meaning. You can appreciate how sweet - and short - life is.

But today I say phoo-eeee.

2010-06-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

Buzz, my friend. We have been through a lot together. We have been to many places - Holland's tulip fields, Chicago's city streets, the red rocks of this wild wild west. You have watched me grow up - all the while being the old man soul that you are. Quiet and stubborn, like a rock. I have loved you in a solid way, my steadfast wingman. I have loved the places you have led me and the people you have led me to. But now, before our big move and before the new baby, you have decided that it's your time to slowly exit.

I will miss your squat body, soft but bristly, but most of all I will miss your funny snorts and your soft and even purring. When I wake at night to roll over, I will miss that snoring. It's the background music that means all is well, that I can turn over and fall back to sleep.

You are and always will be my first baby - the one who taught me how to care for someone besides just my silly, young 23 year old self.

Fare thee well, my old friend.

And thank you for all that you have given me.

* * *

"It's been a wonderful journey. We were magic together, for we saw each other with ancient eyes... we made it sweet fun for each other."

-The Shaman Bulldog, A Love Story

by Renaldo Fischer

Done. and done.

2010-06-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Life is so very busy so for now I'll keep it simple and just show you what I've been up to:

The modern lightning bug

2010-05-13T19:47:00.001-07:00

Ever heard of light graffiti? just scroll down a teeny bit and voila.

Magic.

Indy 500 Commission

2010-05-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

Pat commissioned me to do this race car. He even offered to pay me for it, but considering we share a bank account, I figured I'd save him the money and call it a favor. Every year for the past... 16 years is it now?... he and the same group of people have been going to Indy. He wants to give this to the 80+ year old gentleman they stay with. I'll add a bit of track and stylized crowd and call it one.

Speaking of calling it a wrap. I might have to do a little unwrap on my portrait of Greyson. I've been sitting on it for awhile because, while I think it looks and feels finished, I've gotten a few critiques that disagree. I'm not sure if that's because people have gotten used to my jam-packed, horror vacui style or if it's because my critics just want more more more (bless their hearts.)

A sick Anabelle is snuggled up beside me on the couch, eyes at half-mast. Poor dear, she is just under the weather - not eating much (but curiously always asking for "eesin" aka raisins), flushed with just a bit of fever and very sleepy. I took her to the doctor yesterday, but it's just one of those we'll have to wait out. Lucky for me, this evening I tucked her into the stroller and took her on a nice walk around the neighborhood while she slept. The stroller phenomenon is a rarity.

Tonight we are ordering a Rosati's pizza for takeout. How luxurious. And Saturday we are off to Chicago for a full week! I'm craving the green and trees of a summer in Evanston, so I'm hoping for good weather there. While I'm completely dreading the plane ride with our wiggley 20 month old, I am sure looking forward to all the help once we get there.

I have been feeling happily and merrily on my way down the road of life lately. We had a lovely weekend - full of open windows, sunshine and even a late morning nap on Saturday! Went to a motocross event on Saturday evening with friends who were in town to live it up for the weekend (which reminded me of everything disgusting that Vegas offers). Enjoyed homemade pancakes with fresh berries a la Patrick on Sunday morning, and turkey tacos later in the day with Anabelle's best friend Cassidy and family. Now those two are about the cutest pair I've ever ever seen.

And as for now... I'm signing off to drool in front of the TV for awhile and rest my achin' back. Or maybe I'll get sucked back into my beach read, Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons.

In any case, fare thee well for now my friends.

It's a wrap

2010-05-06T14:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a little thumbnail sketch that I did for our babysitter, Anahi. She asked me to draw her for the card she is sending to her mama for Mother's Day. It was a quickie, and those have a real way of bugging me. Ahhhh, it could be so much better...

And here are two little sneak peaks of Alyse's piece:

And here is the final thing - negative space and all! Thank you kindly for your comments, you know who you are :) I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback.

Photographing watercolor and colored pencil just doesn't seem to do the real thing justice. All of the depth and detail gets lost. humph. This piece is about 15" x 18". Or so.

As for the rest of life, I seem to be getting rounder every day that passes. I have felt the baby move now - those little flutters that at first you wonder if you dreamt up. Zofran is still my best morning friend, but my energy and spirits are high. None of that first trimester rollercoaster bullcrud.

Anabelle is so much fun these days. She wonders at any jewelery I wear, and she is a huge fan of all shoes left unattended around the house. She says "mama hay, anabelle hay, papa hay" a lot. That translated is "mama's hair, etc", and she does a similar pairing of words with "wa" which is her word for water. She'll continue to say it until someone repeats it in confirmation. She makes me just want to do my best to hug and love her because all the time on earth wouldn't be enough to spend with her.

Advice please!

2010-05-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

Getting closer to the finished product... but still not quite there. I struggle with all the empty space: I like the idea of some room to breathe, but I don't want it to be empty and dead. What do you think? (Click to enlarge.)

That's not a little girl...

2010-04-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

His name is Greyson!

Here's Alyse's commission in progress. Had a great day at the library and the time flew by. I am trying to soften my work a little, and I like the breathing room it gives the piece.

Anabelle is napping, so I'm going to work a little more on Nemo (wink) while I have some quiet time.

Are you serious?!

2010-04-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

Folks, this is cut paper. You definitely want to check out Jen Stark's website. Wowzah. I was googling images of "shadows," and "paper cuts" for inspiration of delicate shapes and patterns, and I stumbled across this.

On another note: I am a devoted reader of several blogs. It makes me feel connected and happy to read these blogs, and I have often seen the authors of these blogs write things like "readers, I am going to be away for a few days, but I'll be back soon. Have a good week!" So I should know that it is courteous to tell your readers that you won't be blogging for a bit. Thing is... sometimes I don't know I won't be blogging for awhile. Sometimes life just takes me away.

But now Anahi is back, and I am planted at the library trying to get back into my artwork. I am now working on a commission for my friend Alyse. I feel sort of sleepy and distracted though, and I sure do wish I could put on some music and go to the bathroom without dragging along my computer. OHHHHHH to have my own studio.

Anyway, since I haven't been making any artwork I've realized that is my link to this blog. It makes me feel accomplished to post what I've been working on. To show you, I've been busy. Without it, I might ramble on about daily goings-on, and I'm afraid I might bore you, reader, with things like how big my belly is getting and how if you leave me alone with a bag of chocolate I might demolish the whole thing. I mean, I always love chocolate, but pregnancy turns me into a chocolate eating machine.

Ok, I need to get back to work! Have a good Tuesday!

2010-04-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Last week Anabelle's great-grandpa passed away. We flew to Chicago to be with all of Pat's family, and what a week it was. There was a visitation, a burial and a funeral as well as Easter brunch and egg hunts, Honey baked ham lunches, a Swedish pancake birthday breakfast with a chocolate cake for dinner's dessert (thanks Mom!). And two pedicures for yours truly and her hubby to celebrate the fact that I turned 32 on Tuesday.

And Gene would have been 83 yesterday.

I learned a lot about him through the slide show and old pictures I looked through. And of course the memories that everyone talked about. Raising 8 kids, enduring the death of 2, writing plays for the community's kids, building floats for the 4th of July parade, watching 16 grandchildren grow up, and then meeting number 17 - his great-granddaughter... And my favorite, a moment caught in a quick photo: on the way to a job interview years ago, Pat had to stop off at his grandparent's house so that Gene could help him tie his tie.

Oh, family.

15 weeks already!

2010-03-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to the doctor for a 15 week checkup. Dr. M checked my belly for the baby's heartbeat. Till I heard it I held my breath, and then I simply carried on with my questions about the varicose veins which are taking over my right leg. (Without being too vain (HA!) about that whole ordeal, it is a very sad tale. So young yet so lumpy...) It wasn't till I was in the car later that I really thought about that little heartbeat (which was 150).

I could hear both the baby's heart and mine; they were completely intertwined like beats in a song. The slow whooshing of my heart was the backdrop for the baby's clear pitter pattering. I can't quite think of how to explain what that's like...

Anahi, the babysitter, is gone for the next few weeks, so my art might have to go on hold for awhile. Off to fold more laundry and watch last night's Project Runway.

Last night it happened.

2010-03-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

The dreaded... poo poo in the bath. I'll spare you all the details, but suffice it to say that it was just that. poo poo during Anabelle's bathtime. I mean, I always thought that would be the grossest thing ever, and I would just want to barf all over if that ever really happened to me. Well. Pat nor I really batted much of an eye. We didn't even talk about it later after I put Anabelle to bed. He just hoisted her off to tub numero duo, and I got out the clorox. We have already weathered several storms, and we know there are more to come.

Such is life, I have started to think. You often don't feel the way you think you are going to feel about something when it actually happens. I read an article in The New Yorker magazine called "Everybody Have Fun" by Elizabeth Kolbert. I can't stop thinking about it. It explains some happiness research that has been done in the past 50 or so years. how people tend to mispredict how much happiness or displeasure future events will bring. like winning the lottery for instance. how we put so much hope into things like higher incomes, bigger homes, more things, even having more children and how in reality we end up feeling disappointment - or a lack of increased satisfaction at the least. Author Derek Bok says "People do not always know what will give them lasting satisfaction."

The article's point gets more political (how policymakers can learn from these happiness findings), but just those ideas above alone are the most interesting to me. What I get from it is this: live in the present. Some day we will move back to Chicago, and I will have a whole new slew of things to complain about. the piercing cold winters, long commutes with terrible traffic... Maybe my dream of moving back will not make all the pieces of life suddenly fall into place.

But can't a gal dream? Without my dreams of summer thunder storms, chilly fall nights, Sunday dinners with family, walks to coffee and parks with friends, I would feel very sad. I don't want to let go of that dream because without it nowhere is just right for us.

Anabelle Violet

2010-03-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Here is the piece I was half-heartedly working on Tuesday. No direction, no purpose... Borders was freezing cold and the weather outside was too beautiful to be ignored. So I gave up. The day felt like a waste, so I had to remind myself over and over that just showing up is worth it.

Today I moved back to my old digs - the library. I got there early enough to get my own table by the window, and I felt renewed and inspired. (Last night I made corned beef and cabbage for the first time in honor of St. Patrick's Day, and I think I was still riding off the high that "I did it!" Why, when it's one of your most basic recipes, I'm not sure. But it was my mother in law's recipe, and Pat - who has been begging me for years to make it in celebration of the day - thought it was good good good and thanked me about 20 times, bless his heart. And that, friendly peeps, felt like a victory.) So I felt courageous enough to tackle the scariest of art subjects: my very own daughter. I conquered! I'm so proud.

2010-03-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

Although I can't shake the ol' routine of throwing up in the mornings before I can get my anti-nausea medication down, my taste for lattes is slowly returning. The smell of coffee doesn't send me running for the porcelain goddess anymore!

AND! even better news is: the return of my sparkle. I can feel it in my bones.

Whew.

An overview of yesterday

2010-03-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Here was some vigorous eating:

Unfortunately, that alllll came up last night - plus some - while I was at book club. My first attempt at joining the group was a failed one when I got the frantic call from Pat. Every time he started cleaning up one pile... well, another one... appeared. Over and over and over. Poor thing. I'll rephrase that: poor things (to include Paddy. Don't tell him I just called him that on international ground.) Today, however, she is magically better. Mean little bug or something she ate, we'll never know.

In other news...

this empty kitchen corner is something I'd like to write home about. I just cleaned up and put away all of Anabelle's bottles. She just turned exactly 18 months, and I've slowly made the decision that she shouldn't be drinking milk from a bottle anymore. Unfortunately that means she isn't drinking milk at all because she arches her back and turns her nose up at a sippy cup full. Two words: extra cheese. And extra books and snuggles at nighttime to calm her down.

And on the art front:

Here is what seems to be a little black cloud. After my 12 week ultrasound (which went very well - saw baby flip and move around and saw that lovely string of pearls that is the spine among other things) I sat at Borders for a long while twiddling my thumbs until this came out. I actually like it. It looks both soft and scratchy. I have a potential new commission that I am crossing my fingers for. I have come to love that direction! Let me know if any of you dear readers are interested in a piece. I love getting comments even if you aren't interested. In fact, I'll take this time to thank each and every one of you who takes the time to visit Flowergirl.

My own dark cloud might be lifting a little. I have a burst of energy today that I haven't felt in awhile. I'm doing laundry, straightening up, making the bed, sorting mail, making grocery lists... let's hope for a long nap today! Back to it before I succumb to a cozy nap.

A work in progress

2010-03-09T14:32:00.000-08:00

I've had the image of this girl in my head for a while now. or something like her anyway... (She was spurred on by my desire to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Which, by the way, I'm drooling even thinking about it. Give me two free hours please, and I am so there with my 3D goggles on.)

Funny how much looser my hand is in this painting; it's like at the end of a 2 hour seminar when your handwritten notes have gone from neat and tight to large and scribbley.

Anabelle is napping which tacks on an extra two hours to my Tues/Thurs crafternoons. I need the break big time too. She is honest to goodness wearing me out. The temper tantrum she threw on Friday at Babies R Us was... I'm having trouble finding the words. Oh, the temper! The flailing, screaming, red-faced fiery cracker bouncing off aisles and floor, slapping any hard surface that came within her short arm's reach... The girl is Spicy!! The patience one must have during times like these is unimaginable. I think maybe earplugs is more realistically obtainable.

This and that

2010-03-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

I may still have a bunch of this....

(although 99% less since this

and this)

....but I also have this

oh. and this - which really makes me giggle.

Henna

2010-02-24T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hi again. I'm back to show you the latest! This is it:

I was thinking this afternoon about my high school art teacher telling us, a class of 16 year olds, that we should stay away from having a style so early on in life. Don't pigeon hole ourselves, try new things, new techniques, new mediums. Well, now I'm 31 years old, and I find myself thinking "I can't help what comes out." I do what feels right.

Alex von Jawlensky (whoever that is) was quoted in a magazine years ago; I tore out the quote and it's crumpled in my drawer here: "The artist expresses only what he has within himself, not what he sees with his eyes." Part of me wants to respond "well, duh." and the other part thinks about it more thoughtfully - "well isn't that true. isn't that where an artist's style really comes from." What I mean to say is that when I sit down to draw an orchid, I don't think "how can I make this look like I did it?" What I paint and draw just ends up looking that way because that's the way I do it.

Now. That said. How do you keep out of an art rut? I mean, am I drawing sun rays because that's what's inside me or am I just out of fresh ideas?

Those are my thoughts. I like these thoughts. They are all part of the journey. And I'd like to thank you, Karen, so much for letting me do this piece for you. It was an honor! :)

Here's the reason why.

2010-02-24T11:40:00.000-08:00

So here's the big news:

I am pregnant! (that's my 7 week ultrasound from a month ago.) I have been sick, grumpy and moody for that wonderful reason! I went to the doctor again yesterday and heard the heartbeat which made me a happy happy camper. I always feel a great sense of relief when I check in and make sure all is well. My official due date is September 17 - seven days after Anabelle's second birthday.

This pregnancy I feel a bit more at ease about everything. Now I understand what the end product is and just how worth it this hormonal rollercoaster really is. I hear some people get the "happy hormone" when pregnant, but I just feel slow and tired like I'm existing in a muffling bubble. I hope the end of the trimester will bring the end of that feeling. I miss waking up excited to greet the day.

I am at Border's cafe again - working like a nut. I received a jury summons for today, but when I called to check in last night the recorded voice told me that my badge number is going to be reassigned a day to be summoned. So all that shuffling of babysitters and schedules was for naught. In any case, here I am. I'm working on a new commission for my friend Karen. It's 10"x10" which feels very small to me. Both manageable and odd at the same time. I'm used to having rambling spaces to fill at leisure. Having less of that makes each detail seem more important. I don't have the space to waste. I have found, especially working on this piece, how much I really enjoy doing commissions for people. I worry, worry, worry the whole time if they're going to like it which is a feeling I've come to sort of get a kick out of. I worry if I captured Karen's dog just right, if she'll think it's all worth the money. I find it very challenging, and it keeps me on my toes. With each new subject new thoughts, conscious and subconscious, surface. I think hard about each shape, each face, each color I put on the paper, how it all fits together like a puzzle, like a tapestry. I think about dreams I've had - even years ago - that I haven't thought of since I dreamed them. Often I find when I'm doing commissions I'm struggling to piece it all together, thinking too hard. But today time fell away and I got lost in the two and a half hours I worked. Those are the times I wait for... when I lose myself in my work. But it isn't every time, and I know it can't be. So when it does happen, boy do I cherish it.

Back to work!

Today. is a new day.

2010-02-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

And because it's a new day, I have a brand new attitude. sort of.

Anabelle and I went to music class together, and then (now here's the really good part)... I went to spin class with my friend Tonya!!! It has been a few years since I last ventured into spin. I was sweaty and tired, but I held it together really well. It felt good to get the ol' heart pumping. And Anabelle - though she screamed when I dropped her off at the child care - did really well for the hour I was away. When I came to get her she was sitting in a little girl's lap who clearly adored her.

I am going to eat a jello pudding cup now. G'bye.

Wait! How could I forget? Here's the link to KNPR's online auction. Someone already bid on my crab piece! Dad, was that you?

The monotony of life right now

2010-02-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am sitting at Borders cafe and forcing myself to write a little something before I get to work today. I've noticed that I have been avoiding posting day after day. I think it's probably because I feel a little like I'm trudging through the days, and that is not something I am super excited about sharing. Although the days are turning slowly into warm and precious little spring gems here, I have been feeling sort of glum.

Anabelle has been sick with a terrible cold, cough and ear infection so her mood is very much NOT magnetic as everything leads to a tantrum. Because I haven't wanted to get anyone else sick we have been on a "lock down" of sorts, so each day has felt sort of lonely. But yesterday afternoon we spent outside at the park which lifted both of our spirits. What's better than a good dose of sunshine? And this morning Anabelle woke up with brighter eyes and smiles.

There are just mornings when I feel like "didn't I just do all this yesterday?" This morning was one of those.

Back at it.

2010-02-09T15:34:00.000-08:00

Finito! This here is my piece entitled "Under the Weather" for KNPR's online auction. My friend Navjit put in a good word to her friend who works at the radio station about me, and so she contacted me about donating a piece of artwork. I am so excited. It feels very official. Millions of people will be able to see my artwork (Feb 18-26), and the money will be going to NPR. It's high time I give them something. I listen all the time.

It feels good to be productive! This is proof that I need to push myself to draw draw draw whether I am in the mood or not. That day that Lorraine helped me brainstorm with her keywords (i.e. strawberry crab) turned out to be very inspirational. (see image subject above if you will.)

Ugh.

2010-02-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for falling off the face of the planet, kiddos.

I've been feeling under the weather (which in turn leads to a state of sourpatchiness, as my friend Laura refers to it.) More on this later.

I have been doing an itsy bitsy bit of artwork as of late. More on this later also.

Anabelle got a new pair of shoes today and she can say "puppies." What a gal.

I hate being away for so long!

Crabby is a good word for it.

2010-01-29T08:50:00.001-08:00

For how I've been feeling, that is.

Strawberry crab

2010-01-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

Well, look at that! There's the fella I mentioned in my post below. He's chubby and very fruity. Thanks for the link, Lorraine!

Rain, rain

2010-01-21T17:01:00.000-08:00

To give you an idea of what I did yesterday, here is a "before pantry" and an "after pantry" shot from yesterday:

Ah, the life of a Domestic Goddess.

*********************************************************

Today rained and sort of snowed again. Can you see it out the window?

**********************************************************

And, while the below is by no means a masterpiece, it is at least something. It took me just about forever to get anything on paper. Lack of inspiration is a real bummer. I wandered around Borders looking for anything to get my mind running -- patterns in magazines, content in books... Lorraine helped by writing down words to get my brain going. Things like: robot, firefly, strawberry crab... (love love love and must google these crabs to find out what they actually look like). The word game must have helped because I jumped up and ran to the gardening section where I chose a book on Japanese gardens. Not sure of the connection between strawberry crabs and rock gardens, but at least my fingers were moving:

Rainy day

2010-01-19T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today rained and rained. All day. Anahi, the babysitter came today so I went to Borders to draw. I was feeling uninspired and tired, but I thought perhaps I'd kick it into gear once I got started. Wrong. I drew something stupid. I was feeling organic, delicate and small, but what appeared on the page was heavy and linear and instead of staying muted and quiet OF COURSE a bunch of loud and annoying colors showed up on the page.

Forget it, I said. and went to the back of the store to lounge and read my dumb vampire book Living Dead in Dallas. which I couldn't concentrate on so I went home and snuck into bed to take a nap.

Now that was awesome.

Anabelle took a long nap herself. A few thoughts on her:

*she is so cute I want to hug and kiss her all the time

*she hates baths and stands up the entire time

*she says "Buzz" which sounds like Bzzz

*whenever she hears music, she sways and bops and claps

*she loves popcorn!

*she has figured out that if she runs away laughing, I will run after her yelling "i'm gonna get you." and she loooooves that.

Once we both woke up from our naps and I took some Tylenol for a headache, the day turned very cozy. We listened to music and played and then Navjit and Leo came over for a cup of tea.

And that, friends, is my day in a nutshell.

The Great Unveiling!

2010-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

I am finished! (I'd say this was a total of....mmmm, 23 hours.) Then again, my critic Patrick, hasn't seen the finished product, so there might be a few last finishing touches added if he says some are needed.

A word about it: I came to think of the yellow as a halo around Cassidy's head. I have an unvocalized love for owls, and they show up from time to time in my drawings. Like in the painting I did for Anabelle before she was born. I thought of them as her protectors, watching over her at night while she slept. Wise and still. But I think my favorite part is Gus, the pup.

I feel overall pretty happy to have it done. I'm ready to do something new - start afresh. I'm craving a clean piece of paper and delicate lines. a few blank spaces. I have a thing called horror vacui that I need to work through apparently. It's fear of blank spaces. Which I find really amusing since I hate clutter and I can't stand Stuff.

Ok. I'm clicking "publish post" now. Yikes, scary.

Today went a little like this:

2010-01-12T16:06:00.000-08:00

I had a really really fulfilling crafternoon today. These days I am going to Border's cafe where I can soak in the quirky, funny and interesting vibes of others sitting around me. Today there were 2 tables of high schoolers (probably seniors) studying for exams. What a breath of fresh air they were. Las Vegas nerds do exist!! They were darling - and void of any dark eyeliner or skin tight jeans. In any case, though I love the library, sitting in a silent, sort of air-tight room by myself wasn't inspiring me anymore.

Here's another tidbit of the piece I'm working on for my friend Tonya:

Some inspiration

2010-01-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

here's a picture I find especially wonderful. i love the line quality and the pattern...

it inspired me to get out my pencil and sketch a little bit:

anabelle is finally on the mend after a bout with croup. we all slept a ridiculous amount last night - pat and i for almost 12 hours and anabelle for over 13. she is in a good mood and not as clingy and whiney as she has been the past week. "mama, mama mama mamamamamamamammama...."

we are getting ready for a jaunt to the park now. tootles!

I heard this at yoga today. Click on the link and have a listen:

2010-01-10T12:45:00.001-08:00

Tuck & Patti - You Take My Breath Away

Will she like it?

2010-01-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

This, dear readers, is my very first finished commissioned piece:

I'm still very much getting used to the idea of creating a piece of art work for someone. The stress level is much higher than just doodling merrily on my way. I am constantly thinking "I hope this person thinks this is worth the money she is forking over for it." And that has resulted in a few hours spent in frustration - running after the painting so to speak - not making marks toward any final outcome, rather making marks only to salvage the mess already made. In fashion terms, it's sort of like being worn by the dress, as opposed to wearing the dress. But somehow it seemed to pull together at the end, and voila. Here is Maria's bowl of fruit. It took me about 5 hours total which is waaay good for me in terms of time. It was a wonderful exercise in "speed" - helped me break out of Tiny Detail's headlock.

And these here are a little glimpse of Heaven my mom found in a store called Caracol in Playa del Carmen on Fifth Avenue:

I am going to frame these, hang them on my wall and love every second of them.

A little fact about me....

2010-01-06T11:58:00.000-08:00

... is that I own no less than 25 scarves. And today I decided to arrange them in rainbow order (as if I don't have enough to do) while Anabelle rummaged through the clean laundry baskets and found some of my underwear to drape over her head like necklaces.

Happy holidays, happy new year and happy our internet is back up and running

2010-01-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

Folks, I'm back. And I sincerely apologize for slipping out the back door and not returning till now.

In the past couple of weeks there was:

a trip to snowy Chicago

and a family trip to sunny Playa del Carmen, Mexico

And it was allllll:

absolutely wonderful.

2009-12-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

Zzzzz

2009-12-15T15:14:00.001-08:00

I've been feeling on the quiet side lately, but I'm still here.

Just used my babysitting time to do some serious Christmas shopping. I would like never to go shopping again, thank you very much. Spending money to spend money made me feel funny.

I was a very good girl and only bought myself one nail polish (color: black) for a whopping $3.

Only a peek!

2009-12-11T13:21:00.001-08:00

or two.

or three.

Ketchup

2009-12-07T13:25:00.000-08:00

Dad and Sarah departed this morning. I just put Anabelle down for her nap, and the house is awfully quiet. It's always nice to wake up in the morning and have a house full of coffee and tea drinkers warming up the couch, ever-ready to start the day. (Even if starting the day means finding pebbles to put down the water line and getting your knees good and dusty:)

Though the sun was shining the whole week, it has turned cold here in the desert.

Here's my little walker following her shadow at the Springs Preserve:

We took a visit down to the long-awaited City Center, the multi-billion dollar project that has just opened on the Strip. It is a cluster of hotels and casinos, condos, shops, a mall, large art installations and even a tram. Our day there turned into night, and I wanted to slurp up the lights and the concrete, the steel, the cold air and the skyscrapers above me. At night, this place felt real to me - solid through and through. I captured this blur of lights through the window of Dave Chihuly's gallery:

Now it is raining outside, and I am sitting by the fire. It has been so long since I've written, and I have missed you, my friends. Thank you all for your lovely comments.

Tomorrow I start my Tuesday/Thursday art days. That means TWO days of the week I will be working on my art for 5 hours each. It feels absolutely overindulgent but also pretty supercalafragalisticexbealadoscious.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

2009-11-26T11:20:00.001-08:00

Have a wonderful day!

The Roosters are Finished!

2009-11-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

And here they are:

My art afternoon on Friday was the best its ever been. I signed up at the library for my own private study room, and I got so involved in my work that time just fell away. That hasn't happened for... years?

On Saturday morning Anabelle and I picked my mom and Don up from the airport for their four day stay. And wouldn't you know it - that very day she took 8 steps on her own! Yup, stop the presses... She walks. (but still prefers crawling or walking with our help. So in other words I'm still praying to the Walking Gods.)

And then - of course - who can resist this guy?

Zion Park, Utah

2009-11-17T08:08:00.000-08:00

It was a gorgeous weekend in Zion. We arrived Saturday afternoon and walked around the very very small town - wandering into art galleries and a cafe for a hot cocoa and coffee. Here's why exactly we keep returning (this was in fact our fourth time):

Sunday morning we got up and drove into the park where we took a beautiful hike:

And here is Anabelle practicing her walking technique. which involves gripping my fingers so tightly that mine turn purple and hers turn white.

It was so nice to get away from Vegas despite the awful night we had with Anabelle. There was very little sleeping on her part, and lots of driving her around at 2am on my part. All in all it was very tiring and not very restful, but the beauty of Zion and the quality time with each other was worth it. It is hard to take kids out of their environment and away from the comfort of their routine, but it's important to do it for your sake and sanity. Life on the ranch can get awfully monotonous.

The above picture is also very fitting because this morning she said two words: "up" and "walk." Or rather "bup" and "ock," but in either case, it was very clear what she was driving at.

On the art front. I worked for a few hours on my roosters on Friday when Anahi, the new and wonderful babysitter, came. I will show you when I finish!!

Also, a question for my lovely bloggy visitors. How does one price a piece? Most of my stuff is on 24"x36" paper. I'm hoping with larger chunks of time each piece won't take quite as long as it does right now because they are quite time consuming. I'm not looking to break anyone's bank, and I don't expect to make a million, but I'm not even sure where to begin! Any ideas?

Oh, a little note: several people have told me that they are not able to leave comments for me. If you try, and it says "not able to post comment," hit the "post comment" button again and see what happens. It might work the second time. Happens to me all the time. I'd love to hear from anyone who has a thought for me! Thanks!

Here's an inspiring quote to remember

2009-11-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

"The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind."

- Albert Einstein

I'm working on my attitude towards Las Vegas. And in the meantime we are going to Zion for the night for a little nature and hiking! Back tomorrow!

I'M READY

2009-11-12T12:51:00.000-08:00

TO LEAVE LAS VEGAS NOW.

Finally! A good nap!

2009-11-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

So I actually had time to work on this:

Tonight it hit me.

2009-11-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

I am THE ONLY person between the ages of 16 and 93 who is not on facebook. I have been putting it off, putting it off... thinking how odd it is that people from your past can search for you, find you, see pictures and posts and, well, peep into your life like that.

Now I've seen all the action that goes on; it's an entire world that is bustling and busy -- and I'm missing out. I'm the kid who didn't get to go the party, and I feel sort of left out.

I give in. I raise my white flag. I'm signing up.

This week has aged me

2009-11-06T13:23:00.000-08:00

I think I have been holding my breath and pursing my lips now for a solid three days. You know, parenting teaches you many things. Namely: don't get too cocky. I was rocking Anabelle and giving her a bottle four nights ago thinking, I've got this in the bag. Wake up at 7am, nap from noon to 2 or so, dinner at 6, bath every other night, bedtime at 7pm. Chugga chugga chugga -- all was running like a well-oiled machine.

Then. BAM.

Front molars have to knock down my nice, tidy schedule's door and ruin it all. All of a sudden Anabelle is falling asleep at 10am in her stroller and car seat and it's bye bye to nap time. There's screaming around and during all times of sleep. The tylenol and motrin fairy has come to visit many a night this week.

I feel fried. But no rest for the weary because Anahi, the new babysitter, cancelled today. She's sick, so I told her to rest, feel better and we'll talk next week. I'm sorry for her, I really am. Oh man, but since I'm me and only in my own shoes, I feel really really sorry for myself.

I feel old today. Don't roll your eyes, I know, I'm only 31. But feeling bone tired really takes the wind out of a gal's sails, takes the "care" and the "free" out of "carefree."

Kristin, my sister, gave me the book "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali, and I think I need to really read it. (Don't you wish you could read, sleep and watch tv all at the same time?) Flipping through the book, I found this poem by a Buddhist mother, and it resonated with me on a very deep level:

...she fights the shame

Of a temper at small infractions

By her children (thank god for them)

Never knew such temper simmered

Aching to be lost.

She sinks into memories and dreams

Folding corners of herself down

Like a neat napkin

Hiding the stains, the dirt

Of her most wonderous gypsy self

So that this life - this perfectly happy life -

Might proceed without incident

Without tragedy.

She who writes this song to herself

Sings now for the selves

That have no place to be sung.

Ok, Mothers. Unite. Has anybody else found refuge in daydreams? I often think of my old apartment on Fern Court in Old Town, Chicago. My crummy little apartment (with its teeny tiny bedroom and broken linoleum floors) that I made my own and fell madly in love with. Fern Court. One tiny block long, an alley really, with the Buddhist temple and the dog park. In the fall the leaves turned yellow and fell in windswept piles around the curbs. Overhead, St. Michael's clock lit up white like a full moon every night. I walked to work, fall, winter, spring and summer. I trudged through the snow and wind, wet hair tucked into my hat. I meandered home at the end of the day, always stopping into Anthropologie for a look. I remember the day it snowed and snowed, and I took Buzz out for a romp in it when I got home. He bounded happily around for an hour, and we both went home tired and happy.

There are times (like these) that life seems to go by in the blink of an eye. I suppose those are the times that make me feel old. Like I'm looking back on my life even as I live it. There's a delicate balance then, isn't there, between enjoying the present, looking forward to the future and reminiscing over the past.

Happy Monday

2009-11-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

Life is in full swing here at the Brown residence. The weather in Vegas is LOVELY. Growing up in Chicago we always had to wear coats over our Halloween costumes, but not here in the desert. This is Vegas at its best!!

Anabelle is at such a fun age; she is interacting and laughing lots, she's saying "doe-doe" (dog) and "ba-ba" (baby), and she is THIS close to walking on her own. While I was in Spain she started standing without help, and now she is holding onto my fingers and walking like a champ. A wiggley, jello-y champ, but a champ nonetheless.

On Halloween Lorraine and Karl came over to carve pumpkins, and Anabelle dressed up in her peacock costume. Pat's pumpkin is a tribute to Buzz (look closely at the top pumpkin; see the piggy nose?) who has an awful eye infection and has to wear a lampshade around his big head.

Now. As for my art. Well, I am working on it in various ways... I have found a babysitter for Friday afternoons who is wonderful. She is coming this Friday and I am really really anxious to get back into the swing of things.

In the meantime, i made this hand puppet over the coarse of two days during Anabelle's naps:

Here she is testing it out:

And these two little doodles from my sketchbook I did when I was in Spain:

I used my new watercolors on the geraniums which is very exciting. I got a travel compact to make it easy to tote to and from the library on Friday afternoons, and I don't have a clue how to use watercolors but I'm going to learn.

I have to sign off now. There's laundry to fold, the dishwasher to unload, the floor to vacuum (we had friends over for dinner last night and two toddlers really know how to drop some serious cracker crumbs) -- all before my employer awakens from her slumber. Oh my, it is a never ending cycle... Didn't I JUST do this all yesterday?

Tootles!

Hold the phone peeps

2009-10-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd let you know that I am back and working on my post to tell you all about my lovely trip to Spain and show you pics!

I have had a few technical difficulties (liiiike for instance - no internet for the past several days), but I learned that you should just unplug and replug the modem if this happens. You don't really have to call Cox Cable and wait for technical support to hold your hand and then get really really upset when your cell phone drops the call in the middle of your conversation. Because unplugging and replugging is pretty much the whole of it.

This simple solution reminds me of the time not so long ago when I went to the car dealership with my "check engine" light illuminated, and after an hour wait they told me my gas cap was loose.

K kiddos, more later!

Overview

2009-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

October 27:

I'm back from my trip to Sant Cugat, Spain! The hot neons of the Las Vegas Strip gave me a warm welcome on Friday night after almost 22 hours of travel home. I feel rested and renewed (which is lucky because I've been up with a screaming Anabelle every morning at 5am) and generally more person-like. Does this need an explanation? It felt nice to travel light - with only myself that is. My body relaxed. It's a whole different ballgame to hold an 8 pounder as opposed to a 23 pounder. My brain relaxed. I slept in, relaxed and even read.

The week here in Vegas seemed to go really smoothly. I can tell Patrick's confidence in his fatherly duties strengthened during my time away. I can't quite explain how fabulous it makes me feel when he gives me suggestions on how to wash the soap out of Anabelle's hair during bathtime.

Life in Sant Cugat seems pretty spectacular. It's a walking town, and although it rained 90% of the time I was there, the weather is generally wonderful. There are a million and one beautiful kid stores, a wonderful pedestrian street that fills to the brim around 6:30pm every evening, little cafes, a store to buy fresh pasta...

Ok, let's get down to the good stuff. Here's baby Gael, 3 weeks. What a handsome guy!

Here are the proud parents and then also the proud Grammie:

Here are the girls and then Mom, Samuel and Gael, Kristin, Don and Samuel's brother Victor:

And of course the mama:

Here I am holding my nephew, and there hanging on the nursery window you will recognize

the felt garlands!

And here, Gael, is the photo that is going to bring you to the United States to see your American family:

Ta Da!!

2009-10-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

Secret felt project UNVEILED:

I leave for Spain on Friday morning to meet my brand new nephew Gael, and this felt garland is what I am bringing for him. Something bright and whimsical to look at! They remind me of dozens of soft fortune cookies. I'd love to make more more more - monochromatic with colored thread or just two colors or some more with all the colors. Can you imagine a fabulously massive garland around a window or on a mantle - all white with white thread. It'd look like a feather boa.

I am frantically trying to get everyone organized before I go.

New car tire, check.

Anabelle flu shot and passport for Mexico in December, check.

Buzz eye appointment, check.

Grocery shopping, blow up mattress, Buzz eye drops, fold laundry, pack. Still gotta do those.

Then on Friday the three of us - ME MYSELF AND I - are going to get on the plane together and do things like:

sit down for more than 5 minutes.

sleep.

read.

stare out the window.

go to the bathroom. alone.

draw.

I am going to miss my little family, but they will be in very good hands. Pat's sister and mom are coming out for the week.

So friends, I'll be sure to take lots of photos, and we'll catch up when I get home!

Here's how we spent our anniversary

2009-10-13T19:26:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share the cards we made each other for our anniversary. Here's the one I made for Pat:

And this is the one Pat made for me:

I think Pat really put some thought into his. He was sitting next to me hard at work for almost an hour. That is us riding our bikes together through the ups and downs of life and marriage. There's the skyline of the strip, the cacti of the desert, Anabelle sitting on the moon (check it out -- I think she's naked, but she is definitely wearing her red shoes), and of course Buzz-guy. He's the turd shape there on the moon. sorry to be so crass.

Anabelle is saying "this" and "uh-oh" on a regular basis. And she gets off the bed and goes down the stairs feet first now! She is so yummy.

Aufedersein Maria

2009-10-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

But before I get into that, check out this.

Ok. Now. Let it just be said that I have had a very bummer of a past few days. Some contributing factors to this bummer-ness: hitting a curb yesterday in the parking lot at the park and blowing my tire, a most pointless visit to the Subaru dealership EVER (check engine light on. appointment made. baby packed up and seat belted in. 5 U-turns later pulled in, checked in and settled in. baby unpacked and trailed around the dirty showroom floor. only to find that my gas. cap. was. loose.) and last but not least - firing Maria.

ew.

Showing up 40 minutes late every single time, cancelling and then! not showing up at all just wasn't cutting it. I've never fired anyone before, but she certainly made it easy. No hard feelings, but I am left with no crafternoons. This is a big letdown.

I feel a creative blockage happening. a big creative traffic jam and bottleneck situation.

Maybe I'll explode, and the explosion will be something absolutely brilliant, all colorful and glittery.

Just stick with me folks; I'll persevere!

Happy 2nd Anniversary Patrick!

2009-10-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

Thank you for never giving up, and thank you for all you have given me. I love you.

Two more things

2009-09-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of Anabelle's new red shoes:

And here's the latest on the chickens:

Maria cancelled on me today, and we are going to Chicago for a wedding on Friday, so I won't be able to get back to my artwork till next week. Also. Those black sun designs are all Marimekko. I thought they were so cool and was very inspired by them, but now that I'm actually posting my drawings online I probably shouldn't be "borrowing" anything like that anymore. oops. lesson learned thank you.

Get a load a this ladies and gents

2009-09-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

We went to the Liberace Museum last weekend. How in the world it could have slipped my mind to share all this with you is beyond me. These are some of my favorite pics from the outing. Here is Liberace in a nutshell:

Wow! Those hot pants! Those socks! Those hairy legs!

It's a lovely day to be an aunt!!

2009-09-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

Here is what today looks like at the end of our street. Even Turtles Peak looks celebratory; Gael Navarro Berry has joined the world! Welcome Gael - we love you so much already! Today is a day to be happy, and I feel like calling everyone on my phone's contact list to share the news. Yup, I like being an aunt already. Congratulations to Mama Kristin and Papa Samuel. I wish I could blink my eyes and be there, but I'll see you soon.

Anabelle and I celebrated by going to Tip Toe Shoes. We found her a pair of red leather, T-strap shoes with real soles. Size 20. A wonderful German woman who'd worked there 18 years measured her foot and gave her a pink bouncy ball to keep. I'm not sure who had more fun, Anabelle or me.

All of this makes me think about having Anabelle...

that hazy cocoon of time in the hospital. shuffling down the hall to meet her for myself in the nicu, holding pat's hand and dragging my rolling iv alongside me. the world was new. i felt like a queen and a child all at the same time. i was emotionally tender and happy. i had nurses, both sets of parents, friends, my husband. our healthy baby. pain medication.

More of the pieces of life's puzzle seem to be falling into place for me as years pass. I have a deeper understanding now of why engagements are such cause for celebration. Why weddings call for a party. A wedding marks the Beginning. Only the older folks really know what is to come. What it feels like to fall in love, make commitments, make mistakes, make peace, make babies, fall in love...

For Gael:

On the night you were born,
The moon smiled with such wonder
That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered,
“Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you…ever in the world.
So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain
That they whispered the sound of your wonderful name.
It sailed through the farmland
High on the breeze…
Over the ocean…
And through the trees…
Until everyone heard it
And everyone knew
Of the one and only ever you.
Not once had there been such eyes,
Such a nose,
Such silly, wiggly, wonderful toes.
When the polar bears heard,
They danced until dawn.
From faraway places,
The geese flew home.
The moon stayed up until
Morning next day.
And none of the ladybugs flew away.
So whenever you doubt just how special you are
And you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,
Listen for geese honking high in the sky.
(They’re singing a song to remember you by.)
Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.
(It’s because they’ve been dancing all night for you!)
Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.
(Listen closely…it’s whispering your name again!)
If the moon stays up until morning one day,
Or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,
Or a little bird sits at your window awhile,
It’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile…
For never before in story or rhyme
(not even once upon a time)
Has the world ever known a you, my friend,
And it never will, not ever again…
Heaven blew every trumpet
And played every horn
On the wonderful, marvelous
Night you were born.

On The Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman

Happy Birthday Gael!

Love,

Tia Kate

Love it

2009-09-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

The Quiet World

BY JEFFREY MCDANIEL

In an effort to get people to look

into each other’s eyes more,

and also to appease the mutes,

the government has decided

to allot each person exactly one hundred

and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear

without saying hello. In the restaurant

I point at chicken noodle soup.

I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,

proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.

I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,

I know she’s used up all her words,

so I slowly whisper I love you

thirty-two and a third times.

After that, we just sit on the line

and listen to each other breathe.

Found here.

Look at that!

2009-09-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Anabelle's a natural! I showed her how to use the colored pencil, and she ran with it:

Deep Thoughts of the Day

2009-09-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am forging ahead with this one in all its strange messiness (click to enlarge):

And I also started this one:

I have such a heavy hand with colored pencil. I get such satisfaction from laying down that rich, saturated color that *poof* all chances of softly blending colors are gone. Maybe I should try watercolor. It would be easier to transport a small box of watercolors than a big bag of my acrylic tubes to the library if I really do want to paint.

I suppose what I am doing with my art is this: telling tidbits of my life. Weaving small stories, small moments together. I've struggled for a long time as an artist wondering if what I have to say is big enough, important enough. Maybe it's not about trying to shout really loudly. or saying something brand new and completely different. Maybe it's just about... going to the library every Wednesday and Friday. Maybe it IS about just showing up and doing what feels right.

So what I really want to know is this: if I enjoy the journey (and I do, I really really do), does that mean I'll have a successful show at the end of it?

There. Do you see my dilemma?

I'd like to focus on the journey, but I can't help wanting to know if the end result will be a good one. Will people like my art enough to actually buy it? And if I'm so hung up on that question... who am I making art for??????

Afternoon at Bonnie Springs

2009-09-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

Here I am with my baby girl:

Early Sunday evening we drove into the desert with Navjit, Britt and Leo to visit Bonnie Springs. An odd, but very entertaining place.

Here we are in the "town square", waiting for the 5pm Hanging skit (strange and slightly unnerving, but in the end - harmless):

Then we wandered over to the petting zoo. This potbellied pig bears an uncanny resemblance to a dog we just happen to know (hint: his name rhymes with fuzz):

Here I am showing off my photography skills (ok, maybe it was luck), and you might see this guy show up in one of my drawings. He is fabulous looking:

This one still makes me laugh. The deer tried eating Navjit's skirt first, and when she walked away, he went after Britt. Check out Navjit's face (AND that skirt. the color was so yummy it took everything I had not to take a million pictures of it - esp with her pink shirt. I love her great color sense.)

And here's my little family:

I'm busy working on my secret felt project. Can't wait to show it off, but it won't be for awhile because I don't leave for Spain until mid-October, and I want it to be a surprise for my sister Kristin.

Tootles!

Crafternoon Numero Duo - A Room of Her Own

2009-09-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

I found a spot at the library yesterday in the Quiet Room. Where I can sharpen my pencils with my electric sharpener loudly! And spread out over the whole table. Then someone joined me in the Quiet Room, and my pencil sharpening was foiled. Here's what I worked on:

This is what I consider a problem area, but I'm showing it to you anyway. It's messy, and it's got no focus. But it's got its own little story... All those "B's" were inspired by my friend. She told me that when her dad was dying of cancer he lost the ability to speak, and he would write the same letter over and over in gradation from big to small. Things like this stick in my head you see.

The other morning when Pat brought Anabelle into our bed for our morning snuggle, her skin was so creamy and her cheeks were flushed so pink that they reminded me of strawberries:

In other news, Anabelle is back to her bad napping ways and only slept for 30 minutes total yesterday. (That makes having Maria even more valuable because it means I get a break no matter what.) We are trying to teach her "feet first" when getting off the bed or sofa - it seems to be a slow process. I'd also like to teach her how to Put Things Back so that there are no more meltdowns in music class when we have to give back the instruments.

Gotta run. Have a great weekend!

I did this and this and this with my Crafternoon

2009-09-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at the library I turned the above into the below. It's a secret felt project that I'm working on for a certain niece or nephew coming any day now! And the best part is that this felt is made of 100% recycled pop cans. or bottles. I can't remember which.

And then those piles showed up here:

Here's another detail of the same drawing (which is NOT done):

Sort of strange. I have picked up this odd habit of working large (24" x 36"), starting in one corner, working small and going where the wind takes me - so to speak. So this is sort of a stream of consciousness piece. I find such satisfaction in not planning any composition. It's so luxurious in fact that I feel like I'm cheating. I do look at the whole puzzle often to see how it flows together, but without a plan... does it look like One Hot Mess? That is not a rhetorical question, so for those of you who'd like to leave a comment, please do.

Yesterday afternoon was my first Crafternoon, and overall I'd say it was nice. I was nervous because I definitely had to fight off feelings of "wow, I really should be using this time to go grocery shopping" and "eight hours a week? maybe I bit off more than I can chew" and "is my art even worth eight hours worth of babysitter money or am I being a spoiled housewife?" ew, that last one is really ugly when I say it out loud like that. But I'm stickin' with it kiddos, and I'll be eight hours closer to my dream of having a show and maybe an etsy store -- and even taking commissions. (Anybody, anybody?)

Have a lovely day!

I have Very Very exciting news

2009-09-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

Good morning! So here it is...

I asked Maria to come every Wednesday and Friday to watch Anabelle from noon to 4pm so I can do. my. art. It feels absolutely overindulgent and wickedly wonderful all at the same time. Las Vegas and I have been at odds for a couple of months, and that has left me with a general feeling of malaise about being here. You chant "Vegas," I chant "Stuck!" Vegas! Stuck! Vegas! Stuck!

I love being a stay-at-home mama, and I wouldn't change it for the world. But I need a little time. Not being able to go outside because of the summer heat has left me feeling trapped, and I overflowed on Saturday. Read: I broke down and sobbed like a girl. which indeed I am - fancy that. This all led to a conversation with my dad and then a promise to him (thanks pops!) about taking that much-needed time, escaping to my own private carrel at the library, putting in my earphones to listen to craftsanity podcasts and drawing to my heart's content. For hours! I will tell you this: I made that phone call to Maria the very next day, and I know that if I didn't really really need this time I would NEVER have followed through. Everything about my mood has brightened knowing that I am going to get some time to do what I love. Yummy. I could eat up the whole idea! I could squeeze it like a pimple!

So there you have it folks. I now think I have everything a gal could ever want: a fabulous hubby, a beautiful baby girl, a chubby bulldog. And time to draw.

Sigh.

Our baby girl is officially 1.

2009-09-11T10:01:00.001-07:00

Here is Anabelle helping Patrick put together her birthday gift from Grammie and Grandpa Don. She must have known it was her birthday because she woke up ready to party at 4:30am.

(I see I could really use a lesson in photography folks.)

Here is Buzz - our birthday boy - who turned 8 yesterday. If he looks grumpy, well, it's probably because he was. He hurt his leg on Wednesday and is now at the vet getting X-rays...

Last night our friends Britt, Navjit and their baby Leo came over for dinner and gingerbread.

I got a few minutes in the other day to do a little drawing. It is amazing to me just how rejuvenating it can be to sit down at my table and do art for even a teensy amount of time. I'm still listening to these podcasts when I can. I'll take what I can get, but I am craving a big chunk of time to do all of the above. Below is what I am working on. The kachina is a gift I bought myself in Flagstaff, AZ on the road trip out to Vegas. I chose it from a wall hung floor to ceiling with all kinds, but this one spoke to me because it's a flower kachina. I'd left my floral job, my friends and my family to start a new life Out West with my Main Man. I was embarking on such an adventure...

Also!! on a side note: you have to check out this colorful and fabulous project out. I love it, and I want to do it someday.

My little cupcake

2009-09-08T14:51:00.001-07:00

This is Anabelle's birthday week, so the celebrations started yesterday with an awesome cookout at Lorraine and Karl's. The above picture is of the hostess and the cupcake.

Here is the birthday gal post-swim and pre-cupcake dive...

I was surprised to find that she seemed more interested in licking the candle than eating her chocolate cupcake...

Here's a before...

and an after...

I honestly can not believe our baby is turning one on Thursday. She is growing and changing so fast that suddenly I foresee weeks, months, years speeding by. The only time I nurse her now is in the mornings, but on her birthday I plan on giving her her first bottle of good old fashioned organic cow's milk first thing in the a.m. Very bittersweet...

Another Day

2009-09-04T14:10:00.001-07:00

Today is indeed another day. Which is a very good thing. And here is what is on my studio table (aka dining room table) now. A new sheet of paper and my lovely new colored pencils! I have had this pattern roaming around in my head for months and months now, and voila. Look what showed up when I sat down to draw today! Ever wonder why things happen when they do? I mean, why now did I finally draw those wheel patterns when they were always right there on the tip of my finger?

Anabelle is down for her second - count 'em - second nap. whewwwwwwwwwww. AND it's raining outside! whaa? Strange things are occurring today. Tonight Maria is coming over to watch Anabelle and then I am getting my hair cut, going out on a sushi date with my hubs and then meeting our friends at First Friday for a wee bit of art and culture.

Tootles!

September calls for Pink Patent Leather Shoes

2009-09-02T20:14:00.000-07:00

I am glued to my computer reading blog after blog. I am utterly amazed at the amount of creativity there is out there. It's so inspiring! and addicting too.

Everyone seems to be discussing the fact that it is "already" September. It does not feel like fall here in the desert, and in fact, it still feels awfully oven-y. All my nostalgic, back-to-school feelings normally triggered by a change in the sun's light, the shadows getting longer and the drone of cicadas are absent here for me in Las Vegas. I don't have the bittersweet feelings about saying goodbye to lazy summer days. It's more of a Thank-God-Summer-Might-Someday-Draw-To-A-Close sort of feeling. Anabelle's music class will be starting up again in a few weeks as well as mommy and me yoga, and of course there's always Oprah starting her new season. Yes, I like Oprah. All of my friends are flooding back into town again after escaping the heat, and so everyone is settling back into place. Ah.

Anabelle continues to put anything and everything up to her ear like a cell phone. She LOVES when I pretend someone is calling for her. "Oh, ok, You want to talk to Anabelle?" And she cracks a huge smile and holds out her hand.

Today she handed me her pink patent leather shoe and then looked at her foot. When I put that on, she smiled and handed me the other. Then she smiled again. And then she tapped her heels on the floor. Clearly she's in love.

Birthday Tutu

2009-08-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody! (I sort of have to wonder... is anybody really there?)

Today I made a tutu for Anabelle to wear on her 1st birthday which is rapidly approaching. It was a fun project, and while I worked on it Anabelle played quietly on the floor nearby. This never happens, so that is certainly something to write home about. Her naps seem to be a lost cause which leaves me with little time to do my art. BUT. She is sleeping like a champ at night -- down at 7pm (no later because she's so tired) and up sometime between 5:45am and 6:30am. What is this refusal to nap????? Anyway here is her tutu:

Aaaaand I wasn't going to post a picture of her in it till her birthday, but how can I resist?

I have so many ideas for projects and drawings to do, but I just don't have enough time. If I was lucky enough to be an insomniac like my friend Doreen, maybe I could really crank it out. Joking. I cherish my sleep. Such projects include:

another mobile

finger puppets

sachets

more greeting cards/drawings like this one:

Ok. I have to go cook up the flank steak I have marinating in the fridge. Pat just got home from work, and I should quit eating chocolate chips now. ;)

Pat and His Too-Tall Hat

2009-08-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

Here it is so far!! Don tells me that Pat looks like a cone head because his hat is waaay too tall. I'd have to agree, so there will be a bit of tweaking, but I'm at a good stopping place for now. This evening Pat and I are headed to Moab, Utah to meet up with our friends Anna and Doreen. We are going on a white water rafting day trip on the Colorado River tomorrow! How's that for adventure?

Mom and Don are staying with Anabelle till we get back on Wednesday. Three cheers for fun grandparents!

A big huge thanks to Lara who is a seriously impressive artist (check out her portraits - wow!) and who answered my call for help with this drawing. She gave me some really great ideas. I think it is about the coolest thing in the world that I can connect with other artists who are across the country. My goal is to have a big artist community someday.

I used gesso to cover up some of the areas that I overworked. This adds a bit of a painterly feel which is a nice contrast to the pen lines, and it also adds a bit of depth. You can still make out some of the lines behind the paint. I'm really pleased so far...

Have a good week!

How's this for pure goodness?

2009-08-20T08:47:00.001-07:00

An oldie

2009-08-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

This is a painting I did last year for Pat's dad.

Oh Buzz!

2009-08-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Buzzbuzz. What a guy!

Ohmygoodness, this economy is so ugly

2009-08-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

Here's an excerpt from time.com's article "Less Vegas: The Casino Town Bets on a Comeback." I finally understand exactly what a "short sale" is... and it's not pretty:

Boemio [a realtor] specializes in short selling, in a particularly Vegas way. Basically, she finds clients who owe more on their house than the house is worth (and that's about 60% of homeowners in Las Vegas) and sells them a new house similar to the one they've been living in at half the price they paid for their old house. Then she tells them to stop paying the mortgage on their old place until the bank becomes so fed up that it's willing to let the owner sell the house at a huge loss rather than dragging everyone through foreclosure. Since that takes about nine months, many of the owners even rent out their old house in the interim, pocketing a profit.(See pictures of modernist houses available for rent.)

Tons of people were doing this, but there were consequences. Renters were being evicted, through no fault of theirs, with a couple of days' notice when the house finally went on the market. People are now paying a premium to live in apartment buildings, which in Vegas are almost always owned by a corporation. Sure, short selling damages the sellers' credit rating, but they just bought a new house, so they don't care.

It's an entire city of John Dillingers, feeling guiltless for stealing from the banks. Boemio is well aware that short selling isn't ethical and is exacerbating Vegas' economic problems. People, she believes, should make their payments, accept their paper losses and ride out the crash. "Guess what, a______s of Las Vegas. That's what gambling is about. That's what investing is about," she says. "It's greedy. But we're all doing it. Because why not?" It's very hard, she says, to suffer as the one honest person in a town of successful con artists.

ugh. Are we the chumps for NOT walking away from our house?!!! The article is right; "everyone" is doing it - it seems it's become the norm. The stigma of foreclosing or short selling is gonegonegone. Our community sometimes feels empty -- so many houses sitting sadly vacant.

All of this has me feeling very down. And on top of it I should be:

folding laundry

doing laundry

making a grocery list and planning some meals for the week

cleaning out the fridge

I've been looking at other artist blogs (so much fun!) and daydreaming of a "real" summer via the photos they post. So many handfuls of sweet home-grown tomatoes, farmer's markets, even the soft summer light the photos capture... I'm going to go sit in the hot Vegas corner and cry now. boohoo.

i'm pretending i don't hear anabelle because she is supposed to be napping now

2009-08-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

i haven't posted because life has just been chugging along - days made up of naps, heat, runs to the grocery store... the usual. but yesterday we had a fabulous family day! pat, anabelle and i spent the afternoon at mandalay bay's shark reef. we saw komodo dragons, sharks, jellyfish and lots and lots of fish, including lacy and papery lionfish. anabelle was mezmerized in her own laid-back sort of way...

last night pat and i left anabelle with maria and we went back down to the strip to sushi roku for dinner. what a fun night!!!! cocktails, yummy sushi, fabulous strip view and good good chats. afterwards we meandered around the forum shops, wandering in and out of stores like niketown, y-3, nanette lepore, brooks brothers, louis vuitton...

now. on the art front...

my portrait of pat is coming along:

my good ol' friend anna came to town last weekend and among other things we talked art. she gave me lots of good inspiration and ideas. ideas that involve: scale, repetition using different materials, color to create depth, sewing with thread, sewing machine without thread. love you anna!

and then -- OH NO -- i got completely carried away, distracted and i overworked it in a big bad way:

how does one fix a pen and ink drawing?????? ugh, i can't and won't touch it until i figure out how. help! it's heavy and off balance and pat told me he suddenly feels jealous of the house (which i think in art talk means that my two subjects are not working together to make up a very nice composition.)

ok, off to sunday morning yoga class. have a good day!

She stands!

2009-08-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Anabelle can now pull herself up to stand! She works very hard at it, and she is very proud of herself when she gets there. She huffed and puffed today, and then... voila! she was standing next to me while I sat in the rocking chair with a huge grin on her face. Now she is pulling herself up left and right. She is good enough to eat.

I'm starting to see a pattern in my work

2009-08-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

While Anabelle screamed herself to sleep last night, I cringed and worked on my portrait of Patrick. It helped to put all of my nervous energy into something productive. She fell asleep after 20 minutes, and I let out a huge sigh of relief and went up to bed. He looks very serious in this drawing - unlike his silly personality.

I started photographing some more old work. This is a painting I did after my grandma Baba died. I had a strange dream that the whole family was sitting at a long table, and there were waiters wearing tuxedos. I had also just learned that a group of crows was called a "murder." Seemed so creepy and romantic all at the same time. I love this piece because it was so UNforced.

These two are so strangely similar to what I am doing now. These are marker and pen, and they are around 5 and 9 years old respectively!!

The Latest

2009-07-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

After yesterday morning's Hallmark moment, my day fell on its face and went splat. I had a wrestling match with Anabelle to get her into her carseat, she screamed all the way from Child's Play to home and my car's air conditioner on its very highest setting wasn't high enough. I cursed the 111 degree heat, and I cursed Las Vegas and called it "God forsaken."

Though my haircut appointment (and thus my moment to bask in trashy magazines and stare into space while someone else washes my hair) was cancelled at the last minute, I didn't cancel my babysitter. I went to the art store to buy myself some bristol board and new pens. Then I went to the library and drew for an hour. Heaven!

I continue to struggle with quieting my inner critic, but talking to my mom this morning I realized again that we all struggle with that -- no matter what medium you work in. For those of you who might not know, my mom's a journalist for the Evanston Roundtable.

Speaking of my mom, she gave me this "recipe" to make for dinner during my cooking strike:

avocado

black beans

fresh corn

cilantro

onion

tomatillo

fresh lime juice

queso fresco

YUM!!

Here are some pics of what I've been working on:

Here is the start of a portrait of my wonderful and fabulous husband Patrick:

And here are my new favorite pens:

The Best Ever

2009-07-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

This morning before breakfast Anabelle and I sat in the green chair and listened to Neko Case and a skipping Crystal Gayle. She seemed so happy there on my lap, bouncing on my knees, which surprised me because she is so wiggly now. Pulling herself over to the floor lamp to yank on its legs (watching me while I warn her with my eyes, grrrr) is her new favorite thing. And then, oh this is so my favorite part, she snuggled up close and lay her head on my chest, and we just sat there together. It was 30 seconds of everything that's good in this world.

Here are some more Best Evers:

Jennifer Ackerman-Haywood's podcasts on www.craftsanity.com

I mentioned her website before; I have been listening to her interviews with artists everyday while I draw. Jennifer is a very insightful interviewer, and now I feel like she is a link to the art world for me!!

I learned about Jennifer's podcasts because she interviewed Abby Glassenberg, an artist/blogger/mom who I stumbled upon one day while I was searching the web. The name of Abby's website, www.whileshenaps.typepad.com

caught my eye and inspired me to do my art "while she [Anabelle] naps." Pretty cool huh?

I've also recently learned about www.spoonflower.com

You can create your own textile designs, and at spoonflower there is NO MINIMUM order to print your very own design!!!! Whaaaa?!! Will my dream of creating textiles really come true some day?

Ho Hum

2009-07-26T16:28:00.001-07:00

It's a hot hot July day in the desert, and the Brown family is bored. After a jaunt to the bookstore, we are back home drinking iced lattes and wondering what to do with ourselves. Pat googled "Summerlin upcoming public events" for family activity ideas, and the response was a very meager one:

no upcoming events.

Oh my. This leads me to the question on many Vegans' minds: is Las Vegas truly "a soul-less city" with no roots and no culture? Or maybe Pat and I are bored because in actuality, we are just boring people.

There. Some topics to ponder this afternoon.

Champagne Grapes and the Un-surprise Party

2009-07-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

Patrick's 31st birthday was on Wednesday, and I planned a surprise party for him - which was indeed a surprise until I blew it the day before. Our conversation went something like this:

Kate: Are you suspicious?

Patrick: No. What would I be suspicious about?

Kate: Are you suspicious that I'm having a surprise birthday party for you?

oops.

Anyway, there were 11 of us, and it was so much fun! Anna helped me cook all day which was challenging with Anabelle army-crawling over to Buzz's water bowl every chance she got. We made watermelon/blueberry/mint salad, a really yummy spinach salad from epicurious, and a coconut cake from Barefoot Contessa. I set out several cheeses, champagne grapes, salami, edamame, yummy bread and nuts for starters, and even though Pat wasn't surprised he really appreciated it all.

We have about a pound of champagne grapes left over lucky for Anabelle. They are the perfect size for her little fingers. She LOVES them, and why wouldn't she? They are as sweet as candy, and they go POP in your mouth.

Here is the recipe for Pat's birthday salad straight from epicurious.com:

Spinach Salad with Grilled Chicken, Mango, and Raspberries Szwarc

Gourmet | July 1996

Sandy Szwarc: Albuquerque, New Mexico

yield: Serves 2 generously

ingredients

For dressing:

2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar*
1 tablespoon balsmic vinegar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
3/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 1/2 teaspoons minced peeled fresh gingerroot
1 garlic clove, minced and mashed to a paste with 1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, or to taste
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 whole skinless boneless chicken breast (3/4 pound), halved
1 bunch spinach (about 3/4 pound), coarse stems discarded and leaves washed well and spun dry
1 firm-ripe mango, cut into 1/4-inch thick slices
2 plum tomatoes, sliced thin
2/3 cup raspberries, picked over
4 scallions, chopped fine
1/4 cup walnuts, toasted and chopped coarse

* Available at specialty foods shops and some supermarkets.

preparation

Make dressing:
In a bowl whisk together all dressing ingredients except oil. Add oil in a stream, whisking, and whisk until emulsified. (Dressing may be made 2 days ahead and chilled, covered.)

In a shallow dish or a resealable plastic bag coat chicken with 3 tablespoons dressing. (Marinate chicken, covered and chilled, 2 hours.)

Heat an oiled well-seasoned ridged grill pan over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking and grill chicken, drained, until cooked through, about 7 minutes on each side. Transfer chicken to a platter and cool. (Chicken may be made up to this point 1 day ahead and chilled, covered.)

Cut chicken into 1/4-inch-thick slices and in a large bowl combine with remaining ingredients. Drizzle remaining dressing over salad and toss gently to combine well.

On another note, I have been listening to podcasts on craftsanity.com, my new favorite website. There are over 100 audio interviews with artists. The one I am currently listening to is with a master quilter named Sharon Schamber (www.sharonschamber.com). Her creative process is SO interesting, and her quilts are absolutely unreal. She talks a lot about getting into her creative zone -- allowing the right side of her brain to completely take over (and that is, in my opinion, when you lose track of time and your surroundings fall away - love that!). While I listen I have been working on a drawing and trying my hardest not to let my inner critic take over; I just want to see where my hand takes me. I find it incredibly difficult not to forecast what the end result of my drawing will be -- what the composition should be, whether the drawing is any good, whether people will like it. I am trying my best to just enjoy the journey and see what comes of it.

Already I am so inspired by the detail in Sharon's quilts that I am determined to take this little drawing I am doing and make it larger -- 24" x 36" or so... I love being able to use the hours when Anabelle naps to delve in and do my art. However my struggle remains, as always, what do I have to say as an artist? Is my final product just... to be pretty?

Here's a detail:

Hairdryer Hot

2009-07-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

We are back in loverly Las Vegas where the temperature outside is a whopping 109 degrees. Ugh. It feels like we are in a big hairdryer.

We had a wonderful month in Boston, Cuttyhunk and Evanston. Pat is happy to have Anabelle and me back at the ranch, and though I miss being surrounded by all the family, it is nice to set up shop in our own home again. Anabelle is back to sleeping well; yesterday she napped for a total of FIVE hours between her morning and afternoon naps! Lucky for me because I napped too.

I have NOT been busy making art, but I have been busy in the kitchen and the laundry room. I am actually really enjoying it! Unpacking and sorting and cleaning has given me a real sense of... calm. Plus it gives me real satisfaction to be cooking Anabelle's meals again. Here is the cookbook I LOVE: Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel.

Here's a picture of Anabelle on Cuttyhunk. I love it because everything about her looks soft. During our month away she perfected her wave, learned how to clap and how to put her arms up in the air when you ask her "how big is Anabelle?" SO BIG!

The Jolly 4th

2009-07-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

HELLOOO fellow followers! oh my goodness, now that i actually have a following i have been lagging on my entries. vacation apparently makes me a bit too lackadaisical. in any case. i would like to formally tell you all thank you! for supporting my endeavors. it warms my heart.

we are now in evanston at my mom and don's for a couple of weeks. anabelle has learned to give kisses - a direct result from all the love she has been getting, i'm sure. she dives forward with an open mouth and plants one on a cheek or a mouth, whichever comes first. she has mastered waving, and now we are working on the art of sharing -- passing her new ball back and forth. she's only just discovered that she can let the ball go, and then what happens is that she will get it back.

we went to Lighthouse Beach the other day. What a strange transitional time i am going through... last time i was there i was a kid myself, lolling in the shallow water and ordering Chaco Tacos from the ice cream truck. now i find myself sitting in a circle of young moms, prying fistfuls of sand out of our babies' mouths. anabelle sat rather quietly there in her pink addidas pants (ha) inspecting the sand, and it wasn't until we were getting ready to drive home that i realized she was gumming a little black stone.

today is overcast, but hopefully the rain will hold off until, well... tomorrow. we just can not be bothered with it today; there is a parade to go to, and bbqs to attend!!!! pat and i went to the wilmette fireworks last night. the 4th of july has truly become one of my favorite holidays, and evanston today is america at its best.

I have not forgotten my art. it will continue, i promise.

Green

2009-06-17T08:56:00.001-07:00

anabelle and i are visiting my dad and sarah here in boyleston, massachusetts where the green is so green it all looks like a big jungle compared to the sparse and jagged landscape and red red rock of las vegas. today she sat in the grass for the very first time. she hoisted her elbows up so high they almost reached her armpits, so unsure she was of the prickly mess she was sitting atop. i showed her how to pat it and wiggle her toes in it, and that made her giggle. we sat in the hammock which overlooks dad's gardens, and that also made her laugh. she clung to the ropes and refused to rest with me. who can blame her -- it's all so new! i showed her a bullfrog and a Full Moon japanese maple, let her touch the rough bark of a tree, and we picked a small purple violet. soon both of her chubby hands were filled with clumps of limp greenery.

then upstairs we went for her "morning" nap - i am clinging to the remnants of a tattered schedule - and as i nursed her to sleep (for shame, i know) i wondered if her mind is just now seeing only the greens of dad's garden. the hundreds and thousands of shades - the dappled green of the grass underneath the trees, the chartruese of the hostas... all nameless and wonderous. each leaf, each blade seen in great detail and up close, the big picture just a big blur.